Tag Archive: Hope


So In Love With A Dead Person

For all that’s beautiful in this world, you are the only person who has brought me comfort in a time of heartache and sadness. When no one even thought to call me on a bad day, you were always there to stroke my ego. The true love that I have for you, is something an honest man like me can’t even put into words. The feelings that I’ve had while you were around, were something that you may feel only your wedding day. My outlook on life with you in it, was something that only a man, who has felt no worry or suffering, can relate to. The times that I felt safe in this cold bitter world, was when you were tattooed all throughout my life. You stayed beautiful even when you started to bare wrinkles and only a fool would foolishly throw away a relationship with you because of your appearance.

 When I first met you, you had that stubborn personality that told me that you only messed with people, who were really about their business, so that made me more determined to achieve more, so that I had a chance to earn quality time with you.  The moment I did, I was in love with everything about you and I never wanted you to leave my side. You were much older than me with way more experience, but you showed me the highs and lows of life and prepared me for the times you might not be around.

Most of my friends said you were fake and plastic with few morals, but I saw way more and ignored their jealous plight. I saw in you, a deep passion and a  love for all people, that was similar to a vet loving pets or a mother nurturing her firstborn. You gave every person the same chance to get acquainted with you and even made the ugliest men feel like King Tut. That right there, showed me from the beginning, that you were rarer than the other loves that I have had in my life up until that point.

You expressed gratitude and praise for the efforts I gave in pursuing you, so in return you gave me a peek inside your fabulous lifestyle. Your lifestyle was way different from the others that I have been with and you shared with me the riches of your life. I felt spoiled and undeserving of such an honor, but I stayed humble and accepted everything you offered with gracious respect for the others who weren’t so lucky.

The moments we shared together were better than having sex after a 2 year celibacy hiatus and the times you were away, were like isolated nights in a freezing desert with no coat or jacket.  I never thought that a person could make my heart feel a certain way just by the mere presence of their shadow.  Your aura could fuel a million cars and provide light to a billion homes. I feel like I lost a part of me once you passed away from my life and I have been searching for the likes of you ever since. They say that time heals all wounds, but I can’t accept the fact that I woke up from a peaceful night of sleep and suddenly you had vanished. It was like a 9.0 earthquake on my life and I have been slowly recovering ever since.

If there was one thing that I could say about you that I never did while you were around, it would be that you were by far the most refreshing person I have ever had in my life. I have never been in love, so I have no clue what that feeling feels like and I have heard that is a way better feeling, but the way you were to me, was like a loyal pet that never left home, so to see you pass away from my life is like a stingray’s tail to the heart. I just hope it’s not permanent and I am able to revive what we once had out of the darkness. If not, I must go on knowing that life with you was great and without you, I must deal with the reality of you not around anymore. For some reason, I just can’t accept that, because I am still in love with a man named Benjamin Franklin.

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A Letter To You

 

A Letter To You

The smell of winter brings a thought of tomorrow as I ogle towards the future with a boyish grin. The crush I have for the future seems to will itself into my daily thoughts as I realize it is only blocks away. The countless nights of naïve choices have caused me to think of what my future may hold if I continue down this path of self- immolation. For so long, what seemed to be a phantasm in my mind is actually a physical reality that I have mourned for since the first time I realized what LOVE was.

The thought of you releases a heavenly amount of endorphins that only a devilishly vain person can receive from a mirror after a workout in the gym. No amount of time or space can negate the beautiful thoughts of being with you someday. If I appear weak or soft in my thinking, I only want it to be that because I am in love with you. I lay in my bed staring at the flat bedding on the other side of me and cross my fingers in hope of my prayers being answered. The prayers of hope and promise are all I wish to be answered. A promise that allows my soul to prove that I belong in your life. I promised that I would commit myself to anyone who made my soul skip and you have me tripping over my own feet. From the beginning, you have made my confidence feel taller than Yao Ming and your ability to motivate me is like being coached by the likes Vince Lombardi, Phil Jackson or John Wooden.

The trust I provide for your heart will out weigh anyone’s bank account, but my effort to gain financial freedom will be relentless because I want to be able to travel to the moon with you. You can’t put a price tag on love, but I don’t mind going bankrupt with my heart so that I can figure out if this is possible love and not unthoughtful lust. The more I travel through life’s dark tunnel; I learn that we all need someone who has an extra set of batteries just in case our light goes out in the dark. We all bare the seed of foolish pride that tells us that we can do anything alone (which we can), but it is much easier when you have someone in your life with an extra set of batteries just in case your flashlight goes out in life’s caliginous tunnel.

In that case, my need for adoration is similar to a man stranded in the Sahara desert thirsting for water. I am constantly seeking it so that I replenish my soul in order to avoid dehydration. The way you replenished my life was as refreshing as baptism and life seemed more colorful as I walked out of the life’s negative shadow and into the light of  positivity.  In the past, winters have always had the ability to freeze my heart in order to protect my feelings.  I had always shunned away potential dilemmas that had a chance to discourage my beliefs towards love, but you were the fireplace that made me feel warmer towards commitment in a time when the world seemed so frigid.  The world has the ability to make people who are as precious as a rose, turn into Datura’s, but you are beyond a threat to my heart. As I continue to glide through life tough terrain, I ask you to be my eternal co-pilot, so that I feel safe in a time of struggle and blissful even when the clouds are as dark as coal. I have already chosen my partner for life, but the only question I have for her, is has she chosen me?

Love In A Big Blue Ball

 

On this day, the early morning sunrise awakens a lost soul that for some time has felt emptier than a homeless man cup on an average day. The clear blue skies ease my mind as I gaze into the sky searching for a thought or clue to what my life purpose is. My heart sags deep inside my chest hiding from temptation and despair, only while hoping to connect with someone who feels just the same. The true lovers of the earth go through hell before they fine heaven in someone. My personal purgatory has been filled with isolation from those who feel like me. On the outside I appear stronger than titanium, but on the inside I possess a soul that feels like it has been in a 15 round boxing match with Muhammad Ali. For some reason, I was born to love and as I age finer than a bottle of Heidsieck, I begin to realize I am not like everyone else. I notice that my thought process produces magical thoughts of happiness that only appears into love stories or romantic movies from the 50’s like South Pacific and The Quiet Man.

Trying to find love in this big blue ball is the catch 22 that is tattooed on my mind and heart. The mere mentioning of the words Love or Happiness brings a smile to my face that can only be reproduced when I see my mother or grandmother. The future holds a great chapter for me that has yet to take form because everyday I learn something new about myself that wasn’t there the day before. The only thing that I can attest to that will remain with me until the day I return to the dust from which I came, is the purity of my beliefs that love conquers anything. Whether that is money, material, looks or stubborn values, love transcends human nature in a way that is unexplainable just like me being able to go to sleep and wake up everyday. The fact that I am able to write this and be as genuine as a new born baby smile, proves that something greater than me or you created this big blue ball out of some kind of love. I use to wonder if the creator of this world made this big blue ball to prove to some other Godley life form how powerful he or she was. As my mind pauses on that thought, I should point out that the world has been around for billions of years and the fact that it has lasted that long goes to show you how much GOD(whatever name) has for us as a creation.

We all are gods of our own lives and we all have the ability to create something that is as magical as a Harry potter book. I want to produce out of thin air, a courtship in which I take my time to get to know someone and learn to love the things I disagree about that person. I want to be able to look back 20 years from now and smile about the first time I met the women I am still in love with. I want to be able to tell my great grandchildren the story of how I met her and how nervous I was when I proposed. I want to look at our first photo album together and wonder where all those years went. This is the reason why I shall not want or hurry for love, but I will stay as thirsty for it as a runner is for water after completing the Boston marathon. Until then, I will wonder where my thought process will be just a day from now. The one thing that I know for sure like I said before is the heart that is logged into my chest will remain patient for the one who deserves a love that is as rare as a mythical unicorn (they don’t exist).

Footprints Of History

As I look down at my feet in the sand of the beautiful Atlantic, I see the footprints of those who have led the way for me to succeed. I see the men and women, who were brought over here in cargo ships and sold off as slaves to build a nation which doesn’t appreciate us or our history. I continue to walk and I see the footprints of young men and women, who bravely sat in restaurants they couldn’t eat in and be hauled off to jail, just because they wanted equal rights. I notice footprints of a young preacher from Atlanta, who had the courage to die for what he believed in, which was a dream that America was a nation for all people to get along and prosper and not be judged based off the color of their skin. I see the footprints of an ex-black Muslim leader (born on the same day as me), who was killed because he disagreed with the teachings of his people, who were morally corrupt and hypocritical of the things they preached. I stumble over the footprints of a president, who was assassinated, because he freed a race of people and believed that the nation was better off with all people of all colors having equal rights. I then see the footprints of another president that my people finally believed in, but was assassinated, because some people in this country didn’t believe he had their best interest in hand.

As I begin to walk down the beach, I see countless more footprints of people, who have paved the way for my country and my people to prosper and succeed in a place which is thought to be free. The farther I get down the beach, the fewer footprints I start to see in the sand. The footprints become almost as invisible as oxygen is to the human eye, and I begin to realize that my generation and the one before it, has done nothing to guide the future generations to come. The accountability in responsibility has faded away like letters drawn in the sand on the shore of an ocean. People have stopped appreciating history and have begun to ignore and forget what made this country special. They say the more you dig for something, the more the truth comes out and I believe my generation is too selfish to appreciate our nation’s history and too close minded to accept the truth. On both sides of the fence, people have shunned away the past with little respect and care of what our future generations will learn. I think it is our duty as a country, to teach the young kids of all ethnic backgrounds the truth and the proper history of a nation that has shed lots of blood and tears to get to where we’re at.

As the footprints slowly disappear, I put my feet in the sand and begin to walk a path of honor, respect and love for those who have died for my freedom and my ability to live a life, where I am free to choose. I see new footprints of a senator from Illinois, who gives hope and courage to a nation that desperately, needs change. While we wait to see where his footprints go, I casually walk along the path of all those footprints and begin to plant my feet in US history. I can only hope that the future people of this country can look at my life, as one that can be taught and appreciated for what I have done to help my people and my country. There are far too many people who are only concerned for their own well being and it has to stop. I am someone who wants an abundance of power, so that I can use my fame, morals and brains to steer a new generation in the right direction.

GOD BLESS

The Distance Between Us

The distance between us keeps my heart trapped in a steel cage away from personal ecstasy. It’s like my feelings for you are in solitary confinement with no chance of getting out. The more I think of you, the worse it gets, because I know that the chance of being with you is highly unlikely. We live in two different worlds, with two different agendas, but yet we seek the same thing. Why is it so hard for us to be together?

Each night as I prepare for bed, I think of us having his and hers sinks, brushing our teeth together, so jolly as the day ends. The thought of us doing that simple feat paralyzes my heart, because I know if that were real, I wouldn’t be writing this. It’s like you are a dream that I never want to wake from, because once I do the nightmare begins. A nightmare in which, a reality of not being with you exist. What do I do precious love? They say love can make anything work, but I have yet to see proof of that.

As special as you are to the world, I couldn’t fathom enough egocentricity to hope that you stayed alone. It would be evil of me to not allow love to flood your life just because I am not in it. You deserve all that God has planned for you, and if I am not in the scenario, so be it. I am completely blissful with seeing you happy. You are like an angel touring the earth, and deserve to experience love as powerful as a mother has for her first child

The only thing I ask of you beautiful one, is that you keep me in your thoughts, and never forget how much love I have for you regardless of the distance. Just the thought of you completes my day and the thought of having you in my life energizes my soul. The hope of our love becoming a reality makes the thousand miles between us seem like city blocks. My feelings for you are so strong that I feel like I could walk those miles without getting a single blister.

So remember this message my love, because it is being written from the heart and no one can forge what the heart speaks. My heart is speaking directly to you and trying to connect with your soul, so let me in and don’t be afraid, because your fears are my fears. The fear of regret lays dormant in my thoughts and I wouldn’t ever forgive myself if I didn’t tell you how I really felt. So this is me telling you now.

You make your move.

 

Love,

Will Harris

 

 

 

 

 

My Empty Pillow

 

As the cold night shivers my half naked body, I can’t help but notice that something is missing in my life that needs to be there. My life is a constant dream to most, yet I did not seek it. I have everything I could have asked for, but I still feel as poor as a man on the street petitioning for change. I have traveled to the ends of the earth for personal glory, yet I feel as if I have not traveled a mile. I’ve had dinners with celebrities, politicians and other important figures alike, but I feel like I have eaten alone for so many years. I have a plethora of friends who are honest, loyal and dependable, yet I feel like I can’t talk to anyone anymore. Something truly is absent in my life, but I can’t understand why.

Night after night I lay in my bed staring at the other side of it, wondering what is to come of the empty pillow that lies next to me. Not knowing if I am ever going to have someone there is the catch-22 that keeps me up at night. For all the beauty and comfort that money brings, I have seen many people go to bed unaccompanied with their own empty pillow beside them. My empty pillow is the most precious thing that I have, because it keeps me mesmerized by the future. Who will she be? What will she look like? Where will she be from? All of those thoughts are nightly routines when I lay alone in my bed.

The older I get, the more anxious I become of the conclusion of that empty pillow. The thought of having the love of my life becoming the rightful owner of that pillow is heaven to me, because I know that is what will make my life whole. Many have tried to lay claim to that empty pillow, but none has captivated my interest long enough to be the one, so now the other side of my bed lays secluded. Isolated from an awkwardness that has been there before, because I knew past counterparts didn’t belong on a pillow that was so divine.

The more I dwell, the more impatient I get, but I refuse to settle even the slightest. It doesn’t matter how stunning or how curvy the rightful owner of my empty pillow may be, it’s how magnificent she will be laying on a pillow that has laid empty for years. My heart and my gut tells me that she is near, so I am preparing my psyche for the one that will claim my lonely heart and lonely pillow, then I finally lay in my bed completely satisfied with life

My Dear Sunshine

Dear Sunshine,To me you are the light of my world and I’m always on cloud nine when I see your bright face. Even the days you surprise me with your late arrivals, I am always captivated by your beauty. I know for a fact that god specifically created you for my protection. I know that you are a gift to the world and everyone respects your beauty and power. You are magical and provide the much needed warmth that my body and heart needs when I am feeling down. No matter where I am at in the world, you are always there for me most of the time and I’m honored for that specific reason.

So with that description of my love for you, I was flabbergasted the day I woke up and realized you were not there anymore. It was like a burglar coming into my life and stealing my joy. Every day I looked forward to you being there and I always could rely on you, but out of all days, you decided to leave me when I needed you most.I really didn’t value you much until I relocated to be closer to you in Phoenix. You were beyond beautiful when I first met you, but then I took you for granted when I picked up and left to Minneapolis in 2005 to train for basketball. I knew I’d made a horrible decision the first second I landed at MSP airport. I would always think about how other people may be having a great time with you in Phoenix that I couldn’t sleep at night because I missed you so much.

I was so exultant when I moved California to be with you. There were no grudges when it came to the past and you didn’t care about my time in Illinois, Florida, Indiana or Minnesota. You were flawless in your efforts to keep me happy, so that I wouldn’t leave you again and you convinced me. I promised you that I would follow you to the ends of the earth and I did that. I went with you to Australia, I was there for you went you relocated to Miami and then back to Los Angeles. Yes my dear, you have a special place in my heart and I don’t want to lose you. If I was anywhere else, I would be so cold and lonely. You are my never ending sunshine.

My life this week has been miserable with work being more than hectic and some R&R with you was just what I needed. I was going to gather my things and meet you at the beach, so I could stare at your beautiful face under God’s amazing sky, then you decided to go AWOL on me. Where have you gone my love?

Weeks have passed since I last seen and spent time with you and I am worried you are not coming back. If there is anything I did to offend you or make you mad, I apologize. I would get on my knees in front of the whole world to have you back in my life and I am sure they would as well. I remember people telling me once I had you, I would be stupid to lose you or not appreciate you, so I am begging you give me one more chance my love. I just want to bask in the glory of your unconditional beauty. My dear beautiful, SUN. 

Sincerely, 

Will Harris

The First Girl I Ever Loved

When we all get older there will be many memories and moments that captured our hearts from the past. Regardless of the present state, those moments will bring us joy, sadness and pain just with the thought of that memory. The reason being is that we wouldn’t be who we are if it wasn’t for it. The memory that I have that is so unforgettable, is of a girl who showed me what love was for the first time. Her name was Leslie.

It was 1987 and I was six years old attending Lewis elementary school in Carbondale, Illinois. It was the first day of class in a brand new school and I was expectedly nervous. I didn’t know anyone and I was very shy at the time, so I just grab the first seat I could at an empty desk. As the kids started to fill up the class room little by little, I looked down at my folder and pulled out a piece of paper and began to draw. I would always draw on paper when I got nervous as a kid and I was very nervous at interacting with people I didn’t know, so I just looked down at the paper and avoided eye contact.

I heard the teacher calling out the names of students and ask them to say they were present. As she called out the names, I continued to draw and scribble on the paper to avoid looking up. I heard her say William Harris and I raised my hand to notify I was present and she called my name again, “Is William Harris here?” I then said, “Here” with a quiet voice as if I was whispering something to a friend. She continued until she finished the names and begins to speak in front of the class about the first day of school. The teacher then asked everyone to come up in front of class and introduce themselves. One by one, kids went up excitingly and introduce themselves to the class, as I mourned at the idea of speaking in front of people. As the kids continued to speak, a woman appeared in the doorway and interrupted our class with an announcement. She told the teacher that she would have one more student in her class and introduced her to the class. “Class this is Leslie Gamble”, she said and the students in the class said, “Hi Leslie”.

From the moment I saw her I was in awe of her beauty. She was a pretty girl with very long hair, green eyes and she was wearing a sky blue flower dress the first time I saw her. The teacher asked Leslie to find a desk and have a seat, so she walked to the back of the room and sat down in an empty desk right next to me. She seemed like a very nervous girl herself from what I first noticed. She started drawing on a piece of paper and looking down the same way I did and I was shocked, because I thought I was the only person who did that. Right from the beginning, me and Leslie had a connection before we ever spoke.

As weeks past, the kids in the class begin to start their own clicks outside for recess and I was the odd man out , so I played by myself most of the time until I noticed one day Leslie sitting alone. She looked sad and frustrated and that’s when I spoke to her for the first time. I asked her what was wrong and she told me that no one in the class liked her or wanted to play with her. I told her I felt the same way and she looked at me and said, “Why wouldn’t anyone want to play with you? You are the same color as everyone else, I am different.” In fact, she was different. Leslie was a white kid in a predominantly black school and she also was one of the first white kids I ever interacted with, as I was one of the first black kids she ever interacted with. Leslie and her family had moved to Carbondale from Iowa, because of a job opportunity her mother received with the university. She was definitely in a different element and it was bothering her because she felt the kids didn’t like her because she was white. I assured her that other kids would warm up to her if she talked more. She agreed and a friendship was made.

Leslie and I began to hang around each other every day at recess while the other kids did their own thing. We talked about life, cartoons, music and movies, something very mature for first graders to be doing at the time. I talked to her about the absent father in my life and she talked about her older brother who always picked on her. I laugh at it now, because I use to tell her I would beat her brother up if he picked on her, but I didn’t know he was in the 7th grade until I saw him one day after school when her mom came to pick her up. She was a real life Barbie doll and always looked the part when it came to clothes. Her mom looked like she was a former model and made sure Leslie looked the best.

One day our teacher asked us to partner up for a class project and I and Leslie chose to stay a unified couple. The project was to draw all the planets of the solar system and color them. I thought it was a cool project being that I was into space and all, but there was just one problem, I didn’t have any crayons. I had one box of crayons that I got at the beginning of the year, but I had destroyed those and couldn‘t afford more, so I just hoped for this situation to never happen and it did. I told Leslie that I didn’t have any crayons and she looked at me and said I could use hers. She had the double decker box of crayons that I thought only rich people could afford. She never cared about sharing, she was so nice about everything and I could tell she was raised right. There were many times I didn’t have paper or a pencil and I would ask a kid and they would tell me no, but Leslie was always there for me.

As more group projects were assigned, Leslie and I always stuck together even when paired with other kids. She would continue to let me use her things and I would show her my appreciation at recess by performing songs from the movie the Labyrinth, a 1980’s movie made by Jim Henson, the puppet master. I would sing these songs and perform them every day to her and another girl name Alisha that she befriended after a while. They would sit and giggle as I sung and sung making a fool of myself, but I never cared because I knew she was a good friend. Times were never dull with us, we’d play tether ball together and would make each other laugh hysterically by spinning ourselves on the swings until we were dizzy and try to walk it off. We did that every single day and it never got bored. What we had was special and I haven’t felt like that since about another girl.

It was around March when I received the worst news of my life up until that point. Leslie came to school one day and told me she was moving because her mother got another job. I was devastated because she was the only reason why I got up in the morning to go to school. She was my world at the time and she knew it, but it wasn’t anything she could do about it, so I had to swallow it and deal with it. She told me that she expressed her sadness to her mother and her mom assured that we would stay in contact. It was like someone taking all my happiness and flushing down the drain, I couldn’t stop thinking about what would happen once she left.

The last day of class for Leslie was on a Friday and we were told that a class party was going to happen last period for Leslie. Her mother brought cake, cookies, soda and chips for the class and we ate like it was our own birthdays. We all had a good time and expressed how much we were going to miss her and then the teacher let us go play outside for the last 15 minutes of class.As I was about to go run outside to play, Leslie leaned into me and said don’t leave the class I want to give you a present. I was wondering why she would give me a present after all she has done for me; I should be giving her one.

 As the kids darted out the class and preceded to the playground, I stayed back like she asked me and she looked around until no one was in the class and pulled out a present. She told me to open it and said that she bought it with her own money. It was a big box, so I had no clue what it could be, but I began to open the present anyway. When I tore apart the paper, there stood a brand new box of double decker crayons (You know the ones only rich kids get) just for me. She told me that she saved her money up just to buy me the same crayons she has. As I stood there in shock, she leaned in and kisses me. It was the first kiss I had ever gotten and it was from a girl who just bought me the best gift ever. I was in love.

 As class ended and the bell rung, I walked Leslie to her car with her mom caring the leftover cake and snacks and felt very sad. Her mom gave me a hug and Leslie gave me one to and she got into the car and said that she would miss me. She drove off waving and I stood there like I had just lost my home in a hurricane. I had just received my first lesson in heartbreak and disappointment and knew it wouldn’t be the last.I never saw or heard from Leslie again. The memories that I have of the first grade are all of her and that box of crayons. She was truly something special and has had a place in my heart ever since. I just hope one day that I can feel that same way about a woman that I did about a girl name Leslie, who bought me a box of crayons and loved me for me.TRUE STORY…

 

 

The past is something we should use to pilot our future, not something that should have power over us. When we allow our past to dictate what we do now, we are no longer in control of ourselves.

You will never drive life’s highway without sometimes hitting bumps like regrets and heartache. When you do, it’s easy to get stuck there, gazing back into your rearview mirror at the past like a lost soul. That is the same with relationships and many people tend to let their past dictate their future inevitable missing out on someone great, who didn’t get  a fair chance to prove they weren’t the same guy who treated you like crap.

On the outside, people can appear to be the same sometimes, but that doesn’t mean they are. I have met so many women in my life that have accused me of being like someone they dated, without even letting me have a chance to prove that I was unique in my own way. This did not make me mad or frustrated, it actually turned me off, because here I was, a guy who was genuinely interested in a woman who I wanted to spend time with and she is reminding that I was like a past relationship and it was making it hard for her to really trust me. So I refused to be labeled and I came up with ways for troubled hearts to be mended so they could move on. I wanted to make people understand that pushing a person away is not the answer and it only alienates you from good people who want to see you happy.

For one, holding onto sullenness after someone has hurt you will only continue to hurt you more by poisoning your heart and soul. People need to understand that there is only one antidote to that poison and that is moving on. You have to decide not to allow people who have wronged you to keep controlling your life. You have to remember what people have done to you and never forget, but you must embrace a positive future and think the next person or situation that comes in my life will be positive and not negative. You can’t let the grim past clutch onto your future and stay there like plaque on teeth. You have to cleanse your mind of the unhealthy past and think that what you learned or went through will only make the next relationship or situation better.

Secondly, understanding that it’s healthy to remember your past as long as you’re learning from it and remembering how it can help your future situation for the better. But you must beware of becoming so engrossed with your past that it begins to dictate your present and future. Don’t let your past define you; that’s not healthy for you or the person that you are trying to give your heart to. You have to understand that you’re not a victim of your circumstances and that no one but yourself can tie you to the past; you decide whether or not to move on, not anyone else. Realize that your experiences in life aren’t just for your own benefit – they’re also designed to help other people. You can apply what you’ve learned about moving on to encourage others to do the same. There is nothing better than seeing someone help a person through a tough situation they also went through.

Last but not least, how many times have you heard a person say they don’t want to get involved because they don’t want to get their hurt broken again? While this seems like a reasonable outlook after dealing with such a “controlling, lying, or cheating” partner, it is really just a crutch.

When a person compares everyone in their future with the people of their past who have hurt them, they are voluntarily letting them the control their future as well. They are still attached to them in a way that is even worse than when they were together, because now, it isn’t even a real person who controls them, but a shadow of bad memories. It is up to you as an individual to not let yourself be controlled by your past’s ghost. You must remind yourself that you are not with them for a reason and they didn’t deserve you in the first place. Once you come to embrace that you as a partner deserves to be treated like a king or queen, you will then fully understand that the past is the past and it can’t control the beautiful future that awaits you.

EMBRACE YOUR HAPPINESS

 

Have you ever been in a situation where it was too late to say goodbye? On the other hand, what about looking back on your life with absolute disgust at something you should have done but never did? That is what I am speaking of when I say, Old too soon & Smart too late. I have had opportunities in my life slip away many times because I was either lazy, or just procrastinating about what I wanted in my life. I sat back and said to myself, that those opportunities or people will still be around when I need them and the reality of it was I never was able to get those chances again.

I remember talking to one of my friends a while ago, who mentioned an ex girlfriend that he lost because of his promiscuous lifestyle. He said for many years, he took advantage of the love she had for him because he knew she was not going anywhere. He would go days without seeing her, never giving her the time that she deserved and had other women on the side. He was pure hell to the girl and finally she had enough of his shit. She left him for good and he never spoke or seen her again.

My friend truly has deep regret for his actions and blames all of his personal issues on himself. He said that he thinks of the life he would have had with his ex if he were not so selfish. He spoke of his ex in a heavenly manner. She was someone who would give her last nickel to him if he needed it. She spoiled him rotten and was rewarded with disrespect and heartache time after time. There were never any dates or flowers and those were the little things. He never got her birthday gift’s or Christmas present‘s, but she did all of those things and more. She helped finance a car for him because of his poor credit and was repaid with lies and cheating with no apparent end in sight. He understands that he lost a rare breed of woman and it was his fault. Like I said, old too soon & smart too late.

I am constantly trying to find ways to improve myself on a daily basis and every day I learn something new. With this issue, I understand that I have to seize the moment before it is gone. Maybe it is I simply calling my grandmother to say how much I love her, or perhaps telling a beautiful woman how much I appreciate her conversation and time. Regardless of the scenario, I understand that time flies by faster than a speeding bullet and before you know it, you are forty-five, fat needing to lose weight, or simply too old to chase your dreams. No matter what it is, we all need to appreciate the time we have on earth and seize the opportunities at hand before you are too old & smart too late.