Tag Archive: Joy


So In Love With A Dead Person

For all that’s beautiful in this world, you are the only person who has brought me comfort in a time of heartache and sadness. When no one even thought to call me on a bad day, you were always there to stroke my ego. The true love that I have for you, is something an honest man like me can’t even put into words. The feelings that I’ve had while you were around, were something that you may feel only your wedding day. My outlook on life with you in it, was something that only a man, who has felt no worry or suffering, can relate to. The times that I felt safe in this cold bitter world, was when you were tattooed all throughout my life. You stayed beautiful even when you started to bare wrinkles and only a fool would foolishly throw away a relationship with you because of your appearance.

 When I first met you, you had that stubborn personality that told me that you only messed with people, who were really about their business, so that made me more determined to achieve more, so that I had a chance to earn quality time with you.  The moment I did, I was in love with everything about you and I never wanted you to leave my side. You were much older than me with way more experience, but you showed me the highs and lows of life and prepared me for the times you might not be around.

Most of my friends said you were fake and plastic with few morals, but I saw way more and ignored their jealous plight. I saw in you, a deep passion and a  love for all people, that was similar to a vet loving pets or a mother nurturing her firstborn. You gave every person the same chance to get acquainted with you and even made the ugliest men feel like King Tut. That right there, showed me from the beginning, that you were rarer than the other loves that I have had in my life up until that point.

You expressed gratitude and praise for the efforts I gave in pursuing you, so in return you gave me a peek inside your fabulous lifestyle. Your lifestyle was way different from the others that I have been with and you shared with me the riches of your life. I felt spoiled and undeserving of such an honor, but I stayed humble and accepted everything you offered with gracious respect for the others who weren’t so lucky.

The moments we shared together were better than having sex after a 2 year celibacy hiatus and the times you were away, were like isolated nights in a freezing desert with no coat or jacket.  I never thought that a person could make my heart feel a certain way just by the mere presence of their shadow.  Your aura could fuel a million cars and provide light to a billion homes. I feel like I lost a part of me once you passed away from my life and I have been searching for the likes of you ever since. They say that time heals all wounds, but I can’t accept the fact that I woke up from a peaceful night of sleep and suddenly you had vanished. It was like a 9.0 earthquake on my life and I have been slowly recovering ever since.

If there was one thing that I could say about you that I never did while you were around, it would be that you were by far the most refreshing person I have ever had in my life. I have never been in love, so I have no clue what that feeling feels like and I have heard that is a way better feeling, but the way you were to me, was like a loyal pet that never left home, so to see you pass away from my life is like a stingray’s tail to the heart. I just hope it’s not permanent and I am able to revive what we once had out of the darkness. If not, I must go on knowing that life with you was great and without you, I must deal with the reality of you not around anymore. For some reason, I just can’t accept that, because I am still in love with a man named Benjamin Franklin.

What If

 

Who would have thought that life’s most cherishing gift would be as hard to solve as Sudoku? The puzzle of love has kept me awake for more nights than a graveyard shift security officer. The lost sleep seems to only fuel the fire of my thoughts, in which I seek for answers to life’s most rewarding feeling. Sometimes it seems like my mind and heart are in two different time zones, which only creates confusion when it comes to understanding that the person I have wanted for so long, may be right in my face and I never even knew it.

The worst thing that a person could say is WHAT IF?  The feeling of wondering what could have been only adds to the misery of lost promise. If you ever were unfortunate enough to be in that situation, then you will understand where I am coming from, because it is like a never ending migraine on your heart. Regardless of the future, in which love may bloom in your heart on a daily basis, the ONE that got away may never escape the prison of your mind. It’s that ONE person that got away, that will haunt the dreams of your heart for eternity like a nightmare on elm street movie. 

So with that understood, I must finally muster enough courage to tell the ONE that she is what makes my world complete. She is the ONE, who possesses the kerosene that lights the fire in my belly and warms my heart. Without her, life would go on as normal, but with her, life would be as magical as meteor shower across a perfectly clear sky. Her smile awakens my soul and her touch matures my spirit. The sight of her causes my vision to blur others out, as her voice constantly interrupts my daily thoughts. She defines a queen and commands my full attention as if she was mightier than Alexander the Great himself.

For so long, I have traveled life’s unforgiving road of heartbreak and disappointment and I finally found the person who was the missing piece of my puzzle. To throw that away would sillier than a Charlie Sheen interview. Things can go from great to worst in a nanosecond and before you know it, that person that could have been the ONE,  has slipped out the back door of your heart and you never saw them leave. There is no time to be afraid of looking weak when it comes to telling the ONE that keeps you and your heart up at night, that you want them in your life. There should never be a muzzle on your heart, so the key is to tell that ONE person before it’s too late and they have left out the back door of your heart and didn’t even close the door.

A Moment With My Conscious

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Love In A Big Blue Ball

 

On this day, the early morning sunrise awakens a lost soul that for some time has felt emptier than a homeless man cup on an average day. The clear blue skies ease my mind as I gaze into the sky searching for a thought or clue to what my life purpose is. My heart sags deep inside my chest hiding from temptation and despair, only while hoping to connect with someone who feels just the same. The true lovers of the earth go through hell before they fine heaven in someone. My personal purgatory has been filled with isolation from those who feel like me. On the outside I appear stronger than titanium, but on the inside I possess a soul that feels like it has been in a 15 round boxing match with Muhammad Ali. For some reason, I was born to love and as I age finer than a bottle of Heidsieck, I begin to realize I am not like everyone else. I notice that my thought process produces magical thoughts of happiness that only appears into love stories or romantic movies from the 50’s like South Pacific and The Quiet Man.

Trying to find love in this big blue ball is the catch 22 that is tattooed on my mind and heart. The mere mentioning of the words Love or Happiness brings a smile to my face that can only be reproduced when I see my mother or grandmother. The future holds a great chapter for me that has yet to take form because everyday I learn something new about myself that wasn’t there the day before. The only thing that I can attest to that will remain with me until the day I return to the dust from which I came, is the purity of my beliefs that love conquers anything. Whether that is money, material, looks or stubborn values, love transcends human nature in a way that is unexplainable just like me being able to go to sleep and wake up everyday. The fact that I am able to write this and be as genuine as a new born baby smile, proves that something greater than me or you created this big blue ball out of some kind of love. I use to wonder if the creator of this world made this big blue ball to prove to some other Godley life form how powerful he or she was. As my mind pauses on that thought, I should point out that the world has been around for billions of years and the fact that it has lasted that long goes to show you how much GOD(whatever name) has for us as a creation.

We all are gods of our own lives and we all have the ability to create something that is as magical as a Harry potter book. I want to produce out of thin air, a courtship in which I take my time to get to know someone and learn to love the things I disagree about that person. I want to be able to look back 20 years from now and smile about the first time I met the women I am still in love with. I want to be able to tell my great grandchildren the story of how I met her and how nervous I was when I proposed. I want to look at our first photo album together and wonder where all those years went. This is the reason why I shall not want or hurry for love, but I will stay as thirsty for it as a runner is for water after completing the Boston marathon. Until then, I will wonder where my thought process will be just a day from now. The one thing that I know for sure like I said before is the heart that is logged into my chest will remain patient for the one who deserves a love that is as rare as a mythical unicorn (they don’t exist).

Rather Go Blind

Just the site of your existence paralyzes my every movement. Sudden shifts of your body draws my eyes toward you and moves my soul over a foot. Without words, you make my heart feel like it has entered a nightclub of love through a VIP entrance. Now with these sudden thoughts of losing that feeling I would rather go blind, because the mere thought of not having you makes me not want to live. The moments of my life that seem so perfect have you in them, and I couldn’t stand to try and complete life without you being there to complete me.

You are like my asthma pump and without you there, I can’t breathe easy. You leaving me is like taking all the pure oxygen in my world and leaving me with a toxic filled air to breath. If that is what life has in store for me, I would rather go blind and not be able to see what love truly can be.It’s like you baptized me with a touch of love in which my world became clearer and my heart more pure. It was like my love life was receiving heart surgery and waking up to a new promise, a promise where I held my end of the bargain and showed that I understood what real love was. For all that life has blessed me with; you came into my life as an overpowering challenger to my heart. You easily defeated my worry of trust, loyalty and honesty. You made my heart feel safer than a 20 point lead with two minutes to go in the game and Jordan holding the ball.

To me, you are a goddess and to not have you in my personal heaven, I would rather go blind than to see you leaving me to love someone else.For all its worth, I understand that everything in life happens for a reason, but there is no single reason why my heart could ever love another.  You took my heart when it was homeless and gave it comfort, security and meaning. You allowed my soul to recapture its strength when it was once a defeated victim. For that, I owe you my love and I couldn’t think of loving another, because you are the reason I know what love is. The thoughts of tomorrow and the memories of yesterday allow my mind to stay loyal regardless of temptations. You are my diamond and I am engaged to your love and I would rather go blind if I couldn’t have any of the above.

The Distance Between Us

The distance between us keeps my heart trapped in a steel cage away from personal ecstasy. It’s like my feelings for you are in solitary confinement with no chance of getting out. The more I think of you, the worse it gets, because I know that the chance of being with you is highly unlikely. We live in two different worlds, with two different agendas, but yet we seek the same thing. Why is it so hard for us to be together?

Each night as I prepare for bed, I think of us having his and hers sinks, brushing our teeth together, so jolly as the day ends. The thought of us doing that simple feat paralyzes my heart, because I know if that were real, I wouldn’t be writing this. It’s like you are a dream that I never want to wake from, because once I do the nightmare begins. A nightmare in which, a reality of not being with you exist. What do I do precious love? They say love can make anything work, but I have yet to see proof of that.

As special as you are to the world, I couldn’t fathom enough egocentricity to hope that you stayed alone. It would be evil of me to not allow love to flood your life just because I am not in it. You deserve all that God has planned for you, and if I am not in the scenario, so be it. I am completely blissful with seeing you happy. You are like an angel touring the earth, and deserve to experience love as powerful as a mother has for her first child

The only thing I ask of you beautiful one, is that you keep me in your thoughts, and never forget how much love I have for you regardless of the distance. Just the thought of you completes my day and the thought of having you in my life energizes my soul. The hope of our love becoming a reality makes the thousand miles between us seem like city blocks. My feelings for you are so strong that I feel like I could walk those miles without getting a single blister.

So remember this message my love, because it is being written from the heart and no one can forge what the heart speaks. My heart is speaking directly to you and trying to connect with your soul, so let me in and don’t be afraid, because your fears are my fears. The fear of regret lays dormant in my thoughts and I wouldn’t ever forgive myself if I didn’t tell you how I really felt. So this is me telling you now.

You make your move.

 

Love,

Will Harris

 

 

 

 

 

My Empty Pillow

 

As the cold night shivers my half naked body, I can’t help but notice that something is missing in my life that needs to be there. My life is a constant dream to most, yet I did not seek it. I have everything I could have asked for, but I still feel as poor as a man on the street petitioning for change. I have traveled to the ends of the earth for personal glory, yet I feel as if I have not traveled a mile. I’ve had dinners with celebrities, politicians and other important figures alike, but I feel like I have eaten alone for so many years. I have a plethora of friends who are honest, loyal and dependable, yet I feel like I can’t talk to anyone anymore. Something truly is absent in my life, but I can’t understand why.

Night after night I lay in my bed staring at the other side of it, wondering what is to come of the empty pillow that lies next to me. Not knowing if I am ever going to have someone there is the catch-22 that keeps me up at night. For all the beauty and comfort that money brings, I have seen many people go to bed unaccompanied with their own empty pillow beside them. My empty pillow is the most precious thing that I have, because it keeps me mesmerized by the future. Who will she be? What will she look like? Where will she be from? All of those thoughts are nightly routines when I lay alone in my bed.

The older I get, the more anxious I become of the conclusion of that empty pillow. The thought of having the love of my life becoming the rightful owner of that pillow is heaven to me, because I know that is what will make my life whole. Many have tried to lay claim to that empty pillow, but none has captivated my interest long enough to be the one, so now the other side of my bed lays secluded. Isolated from an awkwardness that has been there before, because I knew past counterparts didn’t belong on a pillow that was so divine.

The more I dwell, the more impatient I get, but I refuse to settle even the slightest. It doesn’t matter how stunning or how curvy the rightful owner of my empty pillow may be, it’s how magnificent she will be laying on a pillow that has laid empty for years. My heart and my gut tells me that she is near, so I am preparing my psyche for the one that will claim my lonely heart and lonely pillow, then I finally lay in my bed completely satisfied with life

IT

 

In the blink of an eye, IT can make you feel as powerful as a president or as low as a man living on the streets. IT never waits for you, constantly flowing with movement and determination trying to find the next best thing. Once you get a hold of IT, you should never let IT go and should do anything to keep IT. As time passes you by, you begin to underestimate the value that IT has in your life, and you become lethargic in your approach to keep IT. Once you lose IT, you become depressed and sadden by the sudden reality of IT being gone. What are left are bitter memories of good times and joyful moments that turn you into an insomniac. IT never seems to worry about you as much as you should for IT, because IT has options and your value to IT is nothing compared to the value IT holds for you.When IT is fertilized into your life, things grow at a rapid rate and life seems to be much clearer and less stressful on a regular basis. IT can take the ugliest man off the streets and turn him into Brad Pitt or Will Smith in the matter of seconds. IT give’s hope to the hopeless and makes certain people feel as important as Barack Obama. IT is something that is both priceless and expensive. Priceless in a way, that takes something ordinary and turns IT into something that is rare as a unicorn. Expensive in a way, because IT will turn a person who once possessed a caring heart, into a person as heartless as Kanye West smash hit. That IT was designed to protect itself from people who are careless and shallow, but like all things, IT falls into the wrong hands at times.If you are one of the few lucky people on this earth to experience IT, then you are in a rare category of people. Though unselective, IT tends to follow people who have good hearts and great minds, but like I said, IT can land into the wrong hands and become a problematic situation for many because of one foolish mind. IT shows neither feelings nor favoritism. IT just cruises through life stopping at every red light enjoying the moment until it reaches its next destination.

My advice to those who will read this is, enjoy every second that you will have with IT, because IT is not guaranteed to all, and will appear and disappear as quickly as good weather in Minnesota. 

God Bless

My Dear Sunshine

Dear Sunshine,To me you are the light of my world and I’m always on cloud nine when I see your bright face. Even the days you surprise me with your late arrivals, I am always captivated by your beauty. I know for a fact that god specifically created you for my protection. I know that you are a gift to the world and everyone respects your beauty and power. You are magical and provide the much needed warmth that my body and heart needs when I am feeling down. No matter where I am at in the world, you are always there for me most of the time and I’m honored for that specific reason.

So with that description of my love for you, I was flabbergasted the day I woke up and realized you were not there anymore. It was like a burglar coming into my life and stealing my joy. Every day I looked forward to you being there and I always could rely on you, but out of all days, you decided to leave me when I needed you most.I really didn’t value you much until I relocated to be closer to you in Phoenix. You were beyond beautiful when I first met you, but then I took you for granted when I picked up and left to Minneapolis in 2005 to train for basketball. I knew I’d made a horrible decision the first second I landed at MSP airport. I would always think about how other people may be having a great time with you in Phoenix that I couldn’t sleep at night because I missed you so much.

I was so exultant when I moved California to be with you. There were no grudges when it came to the past and you didn’t care about my time in Illinois, Florida, Indiana or Minnesota. You were flawless in your efforts to keep me happy, so that I wouldn’t leave you again and you convinced me. I promised you that I would follow you to the ends of the earth and I did that. I went with you to Australia, I was there for you went you relocated to Miami and then back to Los Angeles. Yes my dear, you have a special place in my heart and I don’t want to lose you. If I was anywhere else, I would be so cold and lonely. You are my never ending sunshine.

My life this week has been miserable with work being more than hectic and some R&R with you was just what I needed. I was going to gather my things and meet you at the beach, so I could stare at your beautiful face under God’s amazing sky, then you decided to go AWOL on me. Where have you gone my love?

Weeks have passed since I last seen and spent time with you and I am worried you are not coming back. If there is anything I did to offend you or make you mad, I apologize. I would get on my knees in front of the whole world to have you back in my life and I am sure they would as well. I remember people telling me once I had you, I would be stupid to lose you or not appreciate you, so I am begging you give me one more chance my love. I just want to bask in the glory of your unconditional beauty. My dear beautiful, SUN. 

Sincerely, 

Will Harris

Guardian Angel

 

As I lay there immovable in a comatose state of mind, you never left my side. It was months of the same routine and you didn’t distrust yourself one second. An unfortunate accident caused my life and your heart to be tested and you showed what great love is.You are the definition for unconditional.What laid ahead for me was an uncertain outcome and you still remained by my side. The doctors said it was a foregone conclusion for me, but you remained hopeful while others doubted.

Months went by and you stayed in that hospital room clutching onto me with your love and your faith. You proved to me that faith in something was far stronger than faith in nothing. I heard you speaking to God one night asking him to give me another chance, and I knew by your tone that you believe I deserved one even when I didn’t think so myself. You are so special to me and I want you to know that. The quiet whispers that you softly spoke with were heard by my soul and swallowed by my heart. Your love kept me alive even when I shouldn’t have been and I love you ever more for that.

There is something to be said about the human spirit when it knows it is loved. It can gain the strength of a thousand men in the most extreme circumstances when it knows that love is reciprocated and you proved that.I couldn’t open my eyes or move a muscle, but my heart never stopped beating, because it is forever linked with yours. As long as you are by my side, I am invincible to sadness and pain, you comfort me in a way that a mother does her first born right after giving birth, and it is magical.I am honored that you chose to be my life partner, when you could have chosen so many others to be with. I know that everything in life happens by choice and good reason, but for some unfortunate one, you choice to be by my side and I am humbled in your presence.You proved to me that love conquers all things and all doubters.

I sat in that intensive care unit unable to see, speak or move for eight months and finally awoke after so many wrote me off and it was because of your strength, your faith and your LOVE.

 

 

I want to say thank you my GUARDIAN ANGEL