Tag Archive: Pride


A Moment With My Conscious

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IT

 

In the blink of an eye, IT can make you feel as powerful as a president or as low as a man living on the streets. IT never waits for you, constantly flowing with movement and determination trying to find the next best thing. Once you get a hold of IT, you should never let IT go and should do anything to keep IT. As time passes you by, you begin to underestimate the value that IT has in your life, and you become lethargic in your approach to keep IT. Once you lose IT, you become depressed and sadden by the sudden reality of IT being gone. What are left are bitter memories of good times and joyful moments that turn you into an insomniac. IT never seems to worry about you as much as you should for IT, because IT has options and your value to IT is nothing compared to the value IT holds for you.When IT is fertilized into your life, things grow at a rapid rate and life seems to be much clearer and less stressful on a regular basis. IT can take the ugliest man off the streets and turn him into Brad Pitt or Will Smith in the matter of seconds. IT give’s hope to the hopeless and makes certain people feel as important as Barack Obama. IT is something that is both priceless and expensive. Priceless in a way, that takes something ordinary and turns IT into something that is rare as a unicorn. Expensive in a way, because IT will turn a person who once possessed a caring heart, into a person as heartless as Kanye West smash hit. That IT was designed to protect itself from people who are careless and shallow, but like all things, IT falls into the wrong hands at times.If you are one of the few lucky people on this earth to experience IT, then you are in a rare category of people. Though unselective, IT tends to follow people who have good hearts and great minds, but like I said, IT can land into the wrong hands and become a problematic situation for many because of one foolish mind. IT shows neither feelings nor favoritism. IT just cruises through life stopping at every red light enjoying the moment until it reaches its next destination.

My advice to those who will read this is, enjoy every second that you will have with IT, because IT is not guaranteed to all, and will appear and disappear as quickly as good weather in Minnesota. 

God Bless

My Dear Sunshine

Dear Sunshine,To me you are the light of my world and I’m always on cloud nine when I see your bright face. Even the days you surprise me with your late arrivals, I am always captivated by your beauty. I know for a fact that god specifically created you for my protection. I know that you are a gift to the world and everyone respects your beauty and power. You are magical and provide the much needed warmth that my body and heart needs when I am feeling down. No matter where I am at in the world, you are always there for me most of the time and I’m honored for that specific reason.

So with that description of my love for you, I was flabbergasted the day I woke up and realized you were not there anymore. It was like a burglar coming into my life and stealing my joy. Every day I looked forward to you being there and I always could rely on you, but out of all days, you decided to leave me when I needed you most.I really didn’t value you much until I relocated to be closer to you in Phoenix. You were beyond beautiful when I first met you, but then I took you for granted when I picked up and left to Minneapolis in 2005 to train for basketball. I knew I’d made a horrible decision the first second I landed at MSP airport. I would always think about how other people may be having a great time with you in Phoenix that I couldn’t sleep at night because I missed you so much.

I was so exultant when I moved California to be with you. There were no grudges when it came to the past and you didn’t care about my time in Illinois, Florida, Indiana or Minnesota. You were flawless in your efforts to keep me happy, so that I wouldn’t leave you again and you convinced me. I promised you that I would follow you to the ends of the earth and I did that. I went with you to Australia, I was there for you went you relocated to Miami and then back to Los Angeles. Yes my dear, you have a special place in my heart and I don’t want to lose you. If I was anywhere else, I would be so cold and lonely. You are my never ending sunshine.

My life this week has been miserable with work being more than hectic and some R&R with you was just what I needed. I was going to gather my things and meet you at the beach, so I could stare at your beautiful face under God’s amazing sky, then you decided to go AWOL on me. Where have you gone my love?

Weeks have passed since I last seen and spent time with you and I am worried you are not coming back. If there is anything I did to offend you or make you mad, I apologize. I would get on my knees in front of the whole world to have you back in my life and I am sure they would as well. I remember people telling me once I had you, I would be stupid to lose you or not appreciate you, so I am begging you give me one more chance my love. I just want to bask in the glory of your unconditional beauty. My dear beautiful, SUN. 

Sincerely, 

Will Harris

Guardian Angel

 

As I lay there immovable in a comatose state of mind, you never left my side. It was months of the same routine and you didn’t distrust yourself one second. An unfortunate accident caused my life and your heart to be tested and you showed what great love is.You are the definition for unconditional.What laid ahead for me was an uncertain outcome and you still remained by my side. The doctors said it was a foregone conclusion for me, but you remained hopeful while others doubted.

Months went by and you stayed in that hospital room clutching onto me with your love and your faith. You proved to me that faith in something was far stronger than faith in nothing. I heard you speaking to God one night asking him to give me another chance, and I knew by your tone that you believe I deserved one even when I didn’t think so myself. You are so special to me and I want you to know that. The quiet whispers that you softly spoke with were heard by my soul and swallowed by my heart. Your love kept me alive even when I shouldn’t have been and I love you ever more for that.

There is something to be said about the human spirit when it knows it is loved. It can gain the strength of a thousand men in the most extreme circumstances when it knows that love is reciprocated and you proved that.I couldn’t open my eyes or move a muscle, but my heart never stopped beating, because it is forever linked with yours. As long as you are by my side, I am invincible to sadness and pain, you comfort me in a way that a mother does her first born right after giving birth, and it is magical.I am honored that you chose to be my life partner, when you could have chosen so many others to be with. I know that everything in life happens by choice and good reason, but for some unfortunate one, you choice to be by my side and I am humbled in your presence.You proved to me that love conquers all things and all doubters.

I sat in that intensive care unit unable to see, speak or move for eight months and finally awoke after so many wrote me off and it was because of your strength, your faith and your LOVE.

 

 

I want to say thank you my GUARDIAN ANGEL

“I’m not saying I am going to rule the world, but if I keep talking about how dirty it is, somebody going to clean it up” Tupac Shakur

In a society where the public image of us is negative and violent, it is up to us to change that. In a country where they have brainwashed our youth into thinking that being an athlete or entertainer is the only cool careers out, it is up to us to change that. The statistics don’t lie and we are to blame for our own demise, but that doesn‘t mean we have to follow suit. We live in a world of the jealous, greedy, deceitful and hateful, but that shouldn’t compromise our mission to create a generation of prideful black men like the ones who got tired of injustices in America and created the civil rights movement. Young men who honor their duty to serve the community with pride, love and patience. When children see us black brothers, they see their future and what they are seeing now is not what our ancestors wanted. They see a generation of disrespectful men who don’t value family, love, relationships or themselves. We treat women as if they were unlovable pets, we value money more than education and we disrespect ourselves by abusing our bodies with alcohol, drugs and sex. Is that setting an example? No it’s not.

The statistics show that black men are nearly seven times more likely to be incarcerated, with average jail sentences about 10 months longer than white men. We all know there is a double standard in the judicial system, we also know that we could argue that fatherlessness, a pervasive negative entertainment culture, racism, and multi-generational poverty in family structures in the black communities has a serious impact, but that doesn’t make a excuse for you to go rob your neighbor or beat up your girlfriend to get sent there. The white man or any other man is not to blame for you not going to college or selling drugs on the corner, you are to blame only yourself.

They say that black males between the ages of 15-34 are nearly eight times as likely to suffer from AIDS as their white counterparts. Once again, these numbers are not exaggerated for the hatred of the black man, sex it is clearly represented in our society and we took the bait and ran with it. Look at our movies, listen to our songs and you will understand that we have been creating an atomic bomb in our own communities that is corrupting our young at an astounding rate. Back in the day, the black man was looked at as a protector, provider and loyal husband. Now the stereotypes paint us as being either an exception with athletic gifts, great vocals skill, stupid with humor or having big penises (which isn’t the case for everyone, no matter your ethnicity).

We live in a time where black males ages 15-19 die from homicide at 46 times the rate of white males. Who do we blame for taking a gun and going to kill our neighbor? Oh yeah that is right, blame white people. NO, blame yourself for the ignorance that caused you to kill another person over a block war or a girlfriend that was lying to you both. We have to start using our minds before we wipe ourselves out of positive discussions about great leaders in the world today.

It kills me when I see so many young men talk about women, cars, money, jewelry and other crap in such a shallow manner. I am not being a hypocrite, I have been just as ignorant in my ways at times, but I have realized much sooner than I expected, that I was being what society wanted me to be and I had to change my thinking. My thought process use to blame a woman for me not trusting women in general, rather than looking into the mirror and seeing what I was valuing in a person was shallow ways instilled in me. I never wanted a Mercedes or BMW for myself, I wanted it for attention. Attention that would get me laid or at least a chance to get laid. Clothes and jewelry were bought for the simple pleasure of showing off and staying fresh for the ladies. If I would have just been smart enough to want them things for myself, I would have gotten them a lot quicker and the women would have appreciated me anyways. I thought that way for a long time and now I realize the ignorance I once had and I still see it in so many young black men and young men in general. Ignorance is not racist; it travels along touching everyone no matter your skin color.

Black male achievement begins to decline as early as the fourth grade and by high school; black males are more likely to drop out. In 2001, only 42.8 percent graduated from high school, compared to 70.8 percent for their white counterparts. Now we can say that parents are to blame because of this but I disagree. The slogan: “It takes a village to raise a child” needs to be reinforced. We sit around and see young kids talk about school in such a negative manner in today’s world and I think it is sad that we are not speaking to our little black brothers about the importance of college let alone high school. We need to look at these kids and curse at them in a manner of concern and love for not going to school or even finishing. If we can push, punch or fight a brother for looking at us wrong in the streets, why can’t we grab a brother aside and talk to him about educating himself for his own future and the benefit of the generation after him? I can remember times when I couldn’t even go to my mother or a family member about homework that I needed help on, because they were not educated to do so. That trend has to stop.So that is my point, the more we feed into this negative society that pegs us only athletes, entertainers, felons, gang members, lazy people, sex craved individuals and ignorant men, the more our generations will decay. It is up to me and other young black men to wake up and create a future for our little black brothers that tell them being a basketball or football player is fine, but also receiving an academic scholarship is just as cool. We need doctors, teachers, police officers, honest preachers, loyal husband and fathers and respectful men we can be proud of in our communities to show our little black brothers that you can be anything you want to be and not just another statistic.God Bless

THE EAGLE IN ME

I soar through life like God’s ranger of the sky. My hasty nature keeps others in mystery of my lifestyle. I am here one minute and gone the next, not being afraid of possible failure or disappointment. I allow myself the independence to discover life’s mystery’s without caring about the outcome. I spread my wings and fly from place to place taking on new challenges day after day. As confusing as my geographical status may be, I allow my instincts to guide me through life without apprehension or fear. I am free of the world’s wretchedness and despair, I play the hand I am dealt and I defeat all comers. My sacred wings seem to be made of titanium and they allow me the capability to fly without fatigue. The wind in my face and the sun on my back is ecstasy to me. From tree top to tree top, I observe nature’s beauty while cautiously noticing my surroundings. I choose to go about my adventures alone to avoid disappointment and I do this with pre-calculated movements. I only wish everyone could be as free as me……

THE EAGLE IN ME

I never thought I would ever fully understand how hard it is to raise a child alone. I just thought it was something that life makes you adjust to, no matter what. I have seen women and men, raise children on their own all my life, most of the time it being a woman. I never really cared to think about how much sacrifice and heartache they go thru time after time. I thought I would have to have a child of my own, to really understand the dedication a single parent has to make, to make life normal for a child being the only parent involved…..

            I am not here to bash dead beat parents, who were too cowardly to man up to their responsibilities. That’s not for me to judge. There are many men and women who take full responsibility to raising their child even when they are separated. I am here to honor the people who do it alone and have no complaints about being a single parent…..

            I was raised by my mother and grandmother and never had a father figure in my life. My biological father has been absent 99 percent of it and the memories I do have of him are visiting him in prison when I was a child. I don’t make excuses for my life being difficult because I never had my father present. I think my life may have been different a little bit, if I would have had a father in my life to show me things. For example, how to shave or talk to girls, dribble my first basketball or throw my first right hand punch and attend my graduations. Maybe my life wouldn’t have some holes in it, but I don’t think it would have altered the way I am as a person. I am happy with my life, because my single parent chose to make my life great no matter what…..

            The unspeakable strength that a single parent has, is something that god only knows. Think about the woman who is left to take care of two twins, because her children’s father decided he doesn’t want to be with her anymore, so he leaves her to be with another woman. What about the widow of a firefighter who is left to take care of her four children after her husband tragically, dies, trying to save a burning building. Where does a single parent get the courage and strength to go on and continue life? How do they keep a smile on their face, when they know it is their sole responsibility to raise the kids? My answer, I don’t know. Whatever it may be, it has to be a special gift from god.

   I am 28 years of age and I have no children. I have lived all over the world and I have met countless women time after time raising children on their own. The interesting thing I have noticed about all of these women was the fact that I never heard excuses. No matter where I was whether it was Chicago, Las Vegas, San Diego, Phoenix, Los Angeles, Atlanta, Orlando, Minneapolis, Australia, Greece, Malaysia and London, women never made excuses. They took the loss of the chin and kept it moving. It was sad to hear that most of these women were raising children on their own, because a man decided he didn’t want a kid, after he had a significant part in making it. But that didn’t matter to the women I met, they were like, fuck him. My child will be ok and have the best life he could have. To me, I was like, damn, I wish I had that strength. But that’s the special gift that single parent possesses.

    So to all the women and men out there who are doing it alone, I want you to understand that I appreciate you. I respect you more than anyone in the world. You are head above shoulders over anyone else. The strength you have to raise a child go on is a joy to see. You give me courage to go out into the world and achieve anything I want to do. For it is you, that makes the world better. I want you all to know that no matter what, there are people like me out there that understand respects and appreciate you. You are the true definition of a hero….God Bless

 

Every now and then I wish I was the shadow of myself, so that I could be one second behind my decisions. I would have the capability to make smarter choices that my actual self couldn’t make. It would be nice to have a second chance at repentance if only I was my shadow.  I believe he gets a rise out of watching me try over and over again at succeeding in this tough world.

My shadow remains unobserved to the world, meanwhile my actual self, has to deal with the contemporary issues that life hands you. I am envious of the quiet lifestyle that my dark shadow possesses, he is so lucky to be without pain, yet he is present for my glorious accomplishments. My shadow is without judgments; he just cruises along being my silent associate never judging my actions.

He is there when I am cheerless, and he is there when I am jovial. It makes me invidious that my shadow has no emotion, but I understand that God has put him there just to be a sidekick. If only for a day I was my shadow, I could actually take pleasure in a bit of the world without interruption. I am envious of him once again, for the precision in which he possesses.

He is the shadowy knight of my life, a cape crusader observing my every move. It is unachievable for me to escape him, so I just deal with him following my every step.

Just once I wish he could be me, and I be my own silhouette, so I could finally see through the eyes of me………… one second behind.

 

Bad timing is like a bad dream that never ends. I am sure that most people around the world has a story or two to tell about bad timing affecting their life. To what extent is a mystery all together, but regardless of how bad or good it was, it changes all of our lives. Think about the woman or man that didn’t make it to work on the morning of September 11, 2001 at the world trade center. Or what about the family that didn’t decide to go on vacation to Southeast Asia in 2004, when a tsunami killed 300,000 people on resorts and beaches. The result of bad timing for them was a great outcome, but think about the person that went to work at the world trade center and the family that went on that vacation to Southeast Asia. Regardless of the decision, bad timing has a way of letting you know he is around the corner.

For me, bad timing has been a figure in my life with a kung fu grip. I can remember being ten years old, sneaking into a closed pool with friends and swimming with no lifeguard around. Just me and four other kids having fun. But for me, I wasn’t an excellent swimmer at that time and I was all alone in the pool. The other kids were off in the laundry area trying to break into the vending machines to get snacks.  While in the shallow end of the pool, I started to swim underwater and forgot where I was in the pool and ended up in the deep end. For me, the deep end was no man’s land and I was starting to drown.  I remember like it was yesterday as I continued to struggle to stay above the water, when I felt an arm grab me and pull me out of ten feet of water. It was my friend Nelson, who was wondering where I was and came looking for me. He saved my life. Bad Timing had a good outcome for me that time.

It’s difficult to understand why things turn out bad for some and good for others. Many people turn to God and seek answers, but for me I just take everything with a grain a salt and understand that we all must play the cards we are dealt. Sometimes life deals you a shitty hand and it’s up to you to choose how you respond. I think people forget that in mostly all religions, God rules with an iron fist, but gives all people free will to live the way they want. Free will to live the life you decide and then when and if you face judgment, it’s your life that you chose freely to live that is judged. Similar to the law, you commit a crime, you do the time. But that’s too deep for me even to write about, God and Judgment.

Like I said before, bad timing has a way of showing you who’s in charge. Very cruel and rewarding at times, bad timing will always show you that he exists for better or worse. Think about the girl who decides to lose her virginity to her boyfriend.  She finally gives in to his demands and lets the guy who she loves take the pure essence of her away, but there is a catch and bad timing lets her have it. She gets pregnant the first time she has sex or perhaps she gets herpes or HIV from the boyfriend she thought was honest and loyal to her. That life for you and bad timing rules it.

Another story of mine which has stayed in my head for nine years is the day that changed my life forever.

It was a Sunday in the summer of 2000 and I was a week away from going back to college for my sophomore year. I had spent the summer in Carbondale, Illinois working out with friends. NBA, Overseas and college basketball players spent their summers there working out against the best to improve their games. Me, I was fresh off a successful freshman year in college, where I had ups and downs in college. I didn’t like college and I wanted to leave as soon as possible. My dreams of playing in the NBA were as strong as ever and I had the game to back it. I went hard that summer because I had a feeling that I was leaving the next year, to try pro basketball after only two years of college. My people around me supported the idea and I even got advice from people in the NBA. So my confidence needed no boost, I was on cloud nine. So that Sunday was nothing but a routine workout before I left back to school. I worked out with two guys, Troy Hudson and Rashad Tucker. We shot about 500 hundred shots before calling it a day.

While we were getting ready to leave, Stan Gouard, a former player who played at my university, was on a court playing and they needed one more player to play because a player got hurt. I didn’t want to play, but I was nice enough to say yes. It was a game with no talent or passion, just a bunch of guys trying to play. I shouldn’t have been on the court.  I spent the whole game not doing anything, just trying to get the game over and leave. It was point game when I leaked out for the ball and got it. I was all alone and decided to end the game with a flashy play. A guy came running at me and I then decided to dunk the ball and do with flare. I should have just layed the ball up and the game was over, but no my stupid idea changed my life. I jumped as high as I could and when I mean high, think Lebron James high and I cocked the ball back with one arm and attempted to dunk the ball. When I did this, the guy running towards me, ran under me and undercut me and I flipped. I heard a pop and I knew it wasn’t good. I landed and the first words out of my mouth were, “God Why Me”. I was on the floor crying in pain and my knee was the size of volleyball. I tore my ACL and I went from thinking about the NBA to thinking about rehabbing and sitting out for a whole year.

A routine day in which I was to shoot a few balls, go home and pack for school, turned into a nightmare. But it didn’t crush my spirit. I knew I would play ball again, but I didn’t know if I would ever be the same player again and I wasn’t. While sitting out that year, I had to be away from the team and rehab and attend class. While sitting out with a knee injury, I discovered a passion of mine. Writing. I was just acting silly trying to be creative, when I noticed a creative side. I started to enjoy school for the first time in my life and I ended up getting A’s in my classes. I graduated in three years from college and ended up getting another degree, my final year of basketball.

Without that injury, I wouldn’t have noticed my talent for writing or finished school and I really mean that. So that’s where I give bad timing, thumbs up and I understand his hand in life. He gives and takes away and in that odd way, bad timing blessed me way more than basketball could ever have.

So no matter what is it, losing a parent or friend, getting into a car accident the first week you get the car, missing a party your friends decided to go to without and then tragically dies in a car accident or you running out of gas right in front of the gas station and the guy who helps push the car into the gas turns out to be your soul mate, bad timing is present and always lurking for better or worse.

God Bless

Sir William

 

 

The past is something we should use to pilot our future, not something that should have power over us. When we allow our past to dictate what we do now, we are no longer in control of ourselves.

You will never drive life’s highway without sometimes hitting bumps like regrets and heartache. When you do, it’s easy to get stuck there, gazing back into your rearview mirror at the past like a lost soul. That is the same with relationships and many people tend to let their past dictate their future inevitable missing out on someone great, who didn’t get  a fair chance to prove they weren’t the same guy who treated you like crap.

On the outside, people can appear to be the same sometimes, but that doesn’t mean they are. I have met so many women in my life that have accused me of being like someone they dated, without even letting me have a chance to prove that I was unique in my own way. This did not make me mad or frustrated, it actually turned me off, because here I was, a guy who was genuinely interested in a woman who I wanted to spend time with and she is reminding that I was like a past relationship and it was making it hard for her to really trust me. So I refused to be labeled and I came up with ways for troubled hearts to be mended so they could move on. I wanted to make people understand that pushing a person away is not the answer and it only alienates you from good people who want to see you happy.

For one, holding onto sullenness after someone has hurt you will only continue to hurt you more by poisoning your heart and soul. People need to understand that there is only one antidote to that poison and that is moving on. You have to decide not to allow people who have wronged you to keep controlling your life. You have to remember what people have done to you and never forget, but you must embrace a positive future and think the next person or situation that comes in my life will be positive and not negative. You can’t let the grim past clutch onto your future and stay there like plaque on teeth. You have to cleanse your mind of the unhealthy past and think that what you learned or went through will only make the next relationship or situation better.

Secondly, understanding that it’s healthy to remember your past as long as you’re learning from it and remembering how it can help your future situation for the better. But you must beware of becoming so engrossed with your past that it begins to dictate your present and future. Don’t let your past define you; that’s not healthy for you or the person that you are trying to give your heart to. You have to understand that you’re not a victim of your circumstances and that no one but yourself can tie you to the past; you decide whether or not to move on, not anyone else. Realize that your experiences in life aren’t just for your own benefit – they’re also designed to help other people. You can apply what you’ve learned about moving on to encourage others to do the same. There is nothing better than seeing someone help a person through a tough situation they also went through.

Last but not least, how many times have you heard a person say they don’t want to get involved because they don’t want to get their hurt broken again? While this seems like a reasonable outlook after dealing with such a “controlling, lying, or cheating” partner, it is really just a crutch.

When a person compares everyone in their future with the people of their past who have hurt them, they are voluntarily letting them the control their future as well. They are still attached to them in a way that is even worse than when they were together, because now, it isn’t even a real person who controls them, but a shadow of bad memories. It is up to you as an individual to not let yourself be controlled by your past’s ghost. You must remind yourself that you are not with them for a reason and they didn’t deserve you in the first place. Once you come to embrace that you as a partner deserves to be treated like a king or queen, you will then fully understand that the past is the past and it can’t control the beautiful future that awaits you.

EMBRACE YOUR HAPPINESS