Tag Archive: Positive


So In Love With A Dead Person

For all that’s beautiful in this world, you are the only person who has brought me comfort in a time of heartache and sadness. When no one even thought to call me on a bad day, you were always there to stroke my ego. The true love that I have for you, is something an honest man like me can’t even put into words. The feelings that I’ve had while you were around, were something that you may feel only your wedding day. My outlook on life with you in it, was something that only a man, who has felt no worry or suffering, can relate to. The times that I felt safe in this cold bitter world, was when you were tattooed all throughout my life. You stayed beautiful even when you started to bare wrinkles and only a fool would foolishly throw away a relationship with you because of your appearance.

 When I first met you, you had that stubborn personality that told me that you only messed with people, who were really about their business, so that made me more determined to achieve more, so that I had a chance to earn quality time with you.  The moment I did, I was in love with everything about you and I never wanted you to leave my side. You were much older than me with way more experience, but you showed me the highs and lows of life and prepared me for the times you might not be around.

Most of my friends said you were fake and plastic with few morals, but I saw way more and ignored their jealous plight. I saw in you, a deep passion and a  love for all people, that was similar to a vet loving pets or a mother nurturing her firstborn. You gave every person the same chance to get acquainted with you and even made the ugliest men feel like King Tut. That right there, showed me from the beginning, that you were rarer than the other loves that I have had in my life up until that point.

You expressed gratitude and praise for the efforts I gave in pursuing you, so in return you gave me a peek inside your fabulous lifestyle. Your lifestyle was way different from the others that I have been with and you shared with me the riches of your life. I felt spoiled and undeserving of such an honor, but I stayed humble and accepted everything you offered with gracious respect for the others who weren’t so lucky.

The moments we shared together were better than having sex after a 2 year celibacy hiatus and the times you were away, were like isolated nights in a freezing desert with no coat or jacket.  I never thought that a person could make my heart feel a certain way just by the mere presence of their shadow.  Your aura could fuel a million cars and provide light to a billion homes. I feel like I lost a part of me once you passed away from my life and I have been searching for the likes of you ever since. They say that time heals all wounds, but I can’t accept the fact that I woke up from a peaceful night of sleep and suddenly you had vanished. It was like a 9.0 earthquake on my life and I have been slowly recovering ever since.

If there was one thing that I could say about you that I never did while you were around, it would be that you were by far the most refreshing person I have ever had in my life. I have never been in love, so I have no clue what that feeling feels like and I have heard that is a way better feeling, but the way you were to me, was like a loyal pet that never left home, so to see you pass away from my life is like a stingray’s tail to the heart. I just hope it’s not permanent and I am able to revive what we once had out of the darkness. If not, I must go on knowing that life with you was great and without you, I must deal with the reality of you not around anymore. For some reason, I just can’t accept that, because I am still in love with a man named Benjamin Franklin.

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My Empty Pillow

 

As the cold night shivers my half naked body, I can’t help but notice that something is missing in my life that needs to be there. My life is a constant dream to most, yet I did not seek it. I have everything I could have asked for, but I still feel as poor as a man on the street petitioning for change. I have traveled to the ends of the earth for personal glory, yet I feel as if I have not traveled a mile. I’ve had dinners with celebrities, politicians and other important figures alike, but I feel like I have eaten alone for so many years. I have a plethora of friends who are honest, loyal and dependable, yet I feel like I can’t talk to anyone anymore. Something truly is absent in my life, but I can’t understand why.

Night after night I lay in my bed staring at the other side of it, wondering what is to come of the empty pillow that lies next to me. Not knowing if I am ever going to have someone there is the catch-22 that keeps me up at night. For all the beauty and comfort that money brings, I have seen many people go to bed unaccompanied with their own empty pillow beside them. My empty pillow is the most precious thing that I have, because it keeps me mesmerized by the future. Who will she be? What will she look like? Where will she be from? All of those thoughts are nightly routines when I lay alone in my bed.

The older I get, the more anxious I become of the conclusion of that empty pillow. The thought of having the love of my life becoming the rightful owner of that pillow is heaven to me, because I know that is what will make my life whole. Many have tried to lay claim to that empty pillow, but none has captivated my interest long enough to be the one, so now the other side of my bed lays secluded. Isolated from an awkwardness that has been there before, because I knew past counterparts didn’t belong on a pillow that was so divine.

The more I dwell, the more impatient I get, but I refuse to settle even the slightest. It doesn’t matter how stunning or how curvy the rightful owner of my empty pillow may be, it’s how magnificent she will be laying on a pillow that has laid empty for years. My heart and my gut tells me that she is near, so I am preparing my psyche for the one that will claim my lonely heart and lonely pillow, then I finally lay in my bed completely satisfied with life

 

“For everything I been through in life, I never imagined it would be so hard to choose between the two. One has my mind, while the other has my heart. I never thought it was possible to fall in love with two women at the same time, but I have fallen victim to that scenario“.

Apple, a girl from the east coast has my MIND. She is beautiful, bright, with a large personality that intimidates most men. She is a woman of seasons and her frame of mind changes with the weather. She is one of a kind, and has no problem voicing her opinion with her blunt attitude. If you take her for granted, she will eat you alive and spit you out without a thought of sympathy. Men like me come a dime a dozen to her, so my mind-set and charisma is nothing she hasn’t seen. You have to actually work for Apple’s affection, but once you gain it, she is as devoted to you as a dog is to its owner. She is also an insomniac like me, so we are always up doing stuff. She NEVER sleeps.

Angel, a west coast girl, on the other hand has my HEART. She is a pretty Madonna that loves to be catered to and is very materialistic. If you not about your business, you don’t stand a chance in hell to keep her attention. She is so fast paced and will just move on to the next Joe Schmoe while you sit there in sorrowfulness. She lives for the good weather, the beach and the celebrity lifestyle. She is one of those women, who care about what you do for a living, and what kind of car you drive. Angel can be very cold-blooded. She is so Hollywood.

Angel’s persona is so unlike Apple’s, yet both of them have a swagger about them that draws me towards them both.See the dilemma is that I have a long history with Angel and I couldn’t let her go even if I tried. I have fully invested the last couple of years of my life to Angel and to just walk away from her would be foolish. Angel accepted me with open arms when I came into her life with a pocket full of dreams. She supported my goals in acting right from the get go. She usually went for men who had their stuff together, but saw huge potential in me, so she took a gamble. For that reason alone, she has my heart, because she accepted me unconditionally when she could have blew me off from the start.

Apple on the other hand, has been one of those women that I have always said was my type. We clicked the first time we laid eyes on each other and ever since then, she has captivated my mind in ways only a person in love can understand. She suits me well in every way. She is very ethnic and her parents are immigrants, so she understands her ancestor’s history and pride very well, plus she has faced tremendous personal tragedy. She supports my passions, but loves the fact that I have a gift for writing. I used to question myself everyday when it came to developing a relationship with her, but like I said before, she has a reputation that is cold, grimy and blunt which I know is over-exaggerated.

Angel and Apple both know what it’s like to go from nothing to something. They know plenty of people that can give me positive recommendations about business. The rich and beautiful just flock to them and that is something that is both intimidating and encouraging. There is never a dull moment in their lives and they are constantly stepping up their game to impress all of those around them, including me.If there were ever a harder choice to make in life, I would like to know what it is. I can’t go wrong with either choice, but my mind is telling me one thing and my heart is telling me another. I must go and visit them both, to weigh the pros and cons before I choose who I spend the rest of my life with. It saddens me that I have to choose between the two so quickly, but if I don’t soon, I will lose them both. I hope that both of them, Apple and Angel, understand that I am doing this for the benefit of them and me. I hope that I can mend both my mind and heart into one decision and choose wisely.The worst thing in life is, WHAT IF and I don’t want to look back on life questioning my decision after I decide. Hopefully I will make the right choice. 

      

GOD HELP ME
 
 
 

 

IT

 

In the blink of an eye, IT can make you feel as powerful as a president or as low as a man living on the streets. IT never waits for you, constantly flowing with movement and determination trying to find the next best thing. Once you get a hold of IT, you should never let IT go and should do anything to keep IT. As time passes you by, you begin to underestimate the value that IT has in your life, and you become lethargic in your approach to keep IT. Once you lose IT, you become depressed and sadden by the sudden reality of IT being gone. What are left are bitter memories of good times and joyful moments that turn you into an insomniac. IT never seems to worry about you as much as you should for IT, because IT has options and your value to IT is nothing compared to the value IT holds for you.When IT is fertilized into your life, things grow at a rapid rate and life seems to be much clearer and less stressful on a regular basis. IT can take the ugliest man off the streets and turn him into Brad Pitt or Will Smith in the matter of seconds. IT give’s hope to the hopeless and makes certain people feel as important as Barack Obama. IT is something that is both priceless and expensive. Priceless in a way, that takes something ordinary and turns IT into something that is rare as a unicorn. Expensive in a way, because IT will turn a person who once possessed a caring heart, into a person as heartless as Kanye West smash hit. That IT was designed to protect itself from people who are careless and shallow, but like all things, IT falls into the wrong hands at times.If you are one of the few lucky people on this earth to experience IT, then you are in a rare category of people. Though unselective, IT tends to follow people who have good hearts and great minds, but like I said, IT can land into the wrong hands and become a problematic situation for many because of one foolish mind. IT shows neither feelings nor favoritism. IT just cruises through life stopping at every red light enjoying the moment until it reaches its next destination.

My advice to those who will read this is, enjoy every second that you will have with IT, because IT is not guaranteed to all, and will appear and disappear as quickly as good weather in Minnesota. 

God Bless

My Dear Sunshine

Dear Sunshine,To me you are the light of my world and I’m always on cloud nine when I see your bright face. Even the days you surprise me with your late arrivals, I am always captivated by your beauty. I know for a fact that god specifically created you for my protection. I know that you are a gift to the world and everyone respects your beauty and power. You are magical and provide the much needed warmth that my body and heart needs when I am feeling down. No matter where I am at in the world, you are always there for me most of the time and I’m honored for that specific reason.

So with that description of my love for you, I was flabbergasted the day I woke up and realized you were not there anymore. It was like a burglar coming into my life and stealing my joy. Every day I looked forward to you being there and I always could rely on you, but out of all days, you decided to leave me when I needed you most.I really didn’t value you much until I relocated to be closer to you in Phoenix. You were beyond beautiful when I first met you, but then I took you for granted when I picked up and left to Minneapolis in 2005 to train for basketball. I knew I’d made a horrible decision the first second I landed at MSP airport. I would always think about how other people may be having a great time with you in Phoenix that I couldn’t sleep at night because I missed you so much.

I was so exultant when I moved California to be with you. There were no grudges when it came to the past and you didn’t care about my time in Illinois, Florida, Indiana or Minnesota. You were flawless in your efforts to keep me happy, so that I wouldn’t leave you again and you convinced me. I promised you that I would follow you to the ends of the earth and I did that. I went with you to Australia, I was there for you went you relocated to Miami and then back to Los Angeles. Yes my dear, you have a special place in my heart and I don’t want to lose you. If I was anywhere else, I would be so cold and lonely. You are my never ending sunshine.

My life this week has been miserable with work being more than hectic and some R&R with you was just what I needed. I was going to gather my things and meet you at the beach, so I could stare at your beautiful face under God’s amazing sky, then you decided to go AWOL on me. Where have you gone my love?

Weeks have passed since I last seen and spent time with you and I am worried you are not coming back. If there is anything I did to offend you or make you mad, I apologize. I would get on my knees in front of the whole world to have you back in my life and I am sure they would as well. I remember people telling me once I had you, I would be stupid to lose you or not appreciate you, so I am begging you give me one more chance my love. I just want to bask in the glory of your unconditional beauty. My dear beautiful, SUN. 

Sincerely, 

Will Harris

Guardian Angel

 

As I lay there immovable in a comatose state of mind, you never left my side. It was months of the same routine and you didn’t distrust yourself one second. An unfortunate accident caused my life and your heart to be tested and you showed what great love is.You are the definition for unconditional.What laid ahead for me was an uncertain outcome and you still remained by my side. The doctors said it was a foregone conclusion for me, but you remained hopeful while others doubted.

Months went by and you stayed in that hospital room clutching onto me with your love and your faith. You proved to me that faith in something was far stronger than faith in nothing. I heard you speaking to God one night asking him to give me another chance, and I knew by your tone that you believe I deserved one even when I didn’t think so myself. You are so special to me and I want you to know that. The quiet whispers that you softly spoke with were heard by my soul and swallowed by my heart. Your love kept me alive even when I shouldn’t have been and I love you ever more for that.

There is something to be said about the human spirit when it knows it is loved. It can gain the strength of a thousand men in the most extreme circumstances when it knows that love is reciprocated and you proved that.I couldn’t open my eyes or move a muscle, but my heart never stopped beating, because it is forever linked with yours. As long as you are by my side, I am invincible to sadness and pain, you comfort me in a way that a mother does her first born right after giving birth, and it is magical.I am honored that you chose to be my life partner, when you could have chosen so many others to be with. I know that everything in life happens by choice and good reason, but for some unfortunate one, you choice to be by my side and I am humbled in your presence.You proved to me that love conquers all things and all doubters.

I sat in that intensive care unit unable to see, speak or move for eight months and finally awoke after so many wrote me off and it was because of your strength, your faith and your LOVE.

 

 

I want to say thank you my GUARDIAN ANGEL

My thanks to single parents

I never thought I would ever fully understand how hard it is to raise a child alone. I just thought it was something that life makes you adjust to, no matter what. I have seen women and men, raise children on their own all my life, most of the time it being a woman. I never really cared to think about how much sacrifice and heartache they go thru time after time. I thought I would have to have a child of my own, to really understand the dedication a single parent has to make, to make life normal for a child being the only parent involved…..

            I am not here to bash dead beat parents, who were too cowardly to man up to their responsibilities. That’s not for me to judge. There are many men and women who take full responsibility to raising their child even when they are separated. I am here to honor the people who do it alone and have no complaints about being a single parent…..

            I was raised by my mother and grandmother and never had a father figure in my life. My biological father has been absent 99 percent of it and the memories I do have of him are visiting him in prison when I was a child. I don’t make excuses for my life being difficult because I never had my father present. I think my life may have been different a little bit, if I would have had a father in my life to show me things. For example, how to shave or talk to girls, dribble my first basketball or throw my first right hand punch and attend my graduations. Maybe my life wouldn’t have some holes in it, but I don’t think it would have altered the way I am as a person. I am happy with my life, because my single parent chose to make my life great no matter what…..

            The unspeakable strength that a single parent has, is something that god only knows. Think about the woman who is left to take care of two twins, because her children’s father decided he doesn’t want to be with her anymore, so he leaves her to be with another woman. What about the widow of a firefighter who is left to take care of her four children after her husband tragically, dies, trying to save a burning building. Where does a single parent get the courage and strength to go on and continue life? How do they keep a smile on their face, when they know it is their sole responsibility to raise the kids? My answer, I don’t know. Whatever it may be, it has to be a special gift from god.

   I am 28 years of age and I have no children. I have lived all over the world and I have met countless women time after time raising children on their own. The interesting thing I have noticed about all of these women was the fact that I never heard excuses. No matter where I was whether it was Chicago, Las Vegas, San Diego, Phoenix, Los Angeles, Atlanta, Orlando, Minneapolis, Australia, Greece, Malaysia and London, women never made excuses. They took the loss of the chin and kept it moving. It was sad to hear that most of these women were raising children on their own, because a man decided he didn’t want a kid, after he had a significant part in making it. But that didn’t matter to the women I met, they were like, fuck him. My child will be ok and have the best life he could have. To me, I was like, damn, I wish I had that strength. But that’s the special gift that single parent possesses.

    So to all the women and men out there who are doing it alone, I want you to understand that I appreciate you. I respect you more than anyone in the world. You are head above shoulders over anyone else. The strength you have to raise a child go on is a joy to see. You give me courage to go out into the world and achieve anything I want to do. For it is you, that makes the world better. I want you all to know that no matter what, there are people like me out there that understand respects and appreciate you. You are the true definition of a hero….God Bless

 

Every now and then I wish I was the shadow of myself, so that I could be one second behind my decisions. I would have the capability to make smarter choices that my actual self couldn’t make. It would be nice to have a second chance at repentance if only I was my shadow.  I believe he gets a rise out of watching me try over and over again at succeeding in this tough world.

My shadow remains unobserved to the world, meanwhile my actual self, has to deal with the contemporary issues that life hands you. I am envious of the quiet lifestyle that my dark shadow possesses, he is so lucky to be without pain, yet he is present for my glorious accomplishments. My shadow is without judgments; he just cruises along being my silent associate never judging my actions.

He is there when I am cheerless, and he is there when I am jovial. It makes me invidious that my shadow has no emotion, but I understand that God has put him there just to be a sidekick. If only for a day I was my shadow, I could actually take pleasure in a bit of the world without interruption. I am envious of him once again, for the precision in which he possesses.

He is the shadowy knight of my life, a cape crusader observing my every move. It is unachievable for me to escape him, so I just deal with him following my every step.

Just once I wish he could be me, and I be my own silhouette, so I could finally see through the eyes of me………… one second behind.

 

Bad timing is like a bad dream that never ends. I am sure that most people around the world has a story or two to tell about bad timing affecting their life. To what extent is a mystery all together, but regardless of how bad or good it was, it changes all of our lives. Think about the woman or man that didn’t make it to work on the morning of September 11, 2001 at the world trade center. Or what about the family that didn’t decide to go on vacation to Southeast Asia in 2004, when a tsunami killed 300,000 people on resorts and beaches. The result of bad timing for them was a great outcome, but think about the person that went to work at the world trade center and the family that went on that vacation to Southeast Asia. Regardless of the decision, bad timing has a way of letting you know he is around the corner.

For me, bad timing has been a figure in my life with a kung fu grip. I can remember being ten years old, sneaking into a closed pool with friends and swimming with no lifeguard around. Just me and four other kids having fun. But for me, I wasn’t an excellent swimmer at that time and I was all alone in the pool. The other kids were off in the laundry area trying to break into the vending machines to get snacks.  While in the shallow end of the pool, I started to swim underwater and forgot where I was in the pool and ended up in the deep end. For me, the deep end was no man’s land and I was starting to drown.  I remember like it was yesterday as I continued to struggle to stay above the water, when I felt an arm grab me and pull me out of ten feet of water. It was my friend Nelson, who was wondering where I was and came looking for me. He saved my life. Bad Timing had a good outcome for me that time.

It’s difficult to understand why things turn out bad for some and good for others. Many people turn to God and seek answers, but for me I just take everything with a grain a salt and understand that we all must play the cards we are dealt. Sometimes life deals you a shitty hand and it’s up to you to choose how you respond. I think people forget that in mostly all religions, God rules with an iron fist, but gives all people free will to live the way they want. Free will to live the life you decide and then when and if you face judgment, it’s your life that you chose freely to live that is judged. Similar to the law, you commit a crime, you do the time. But that’s too deep for me even to write about, God and Judgment.

Like I said before, bad timing has a way of showing you who’s in charge. Very cruel and rewarding at times, bad timing will always show you that he exists for better or worse. Think about the girl who decides to lose her virginity to her boyfriend.  She finally gives in to his demands and lets the guy who she loves take the pure essence of her away, but there is a catch and bad timing lets her have it. She gets pregnant the first time she has sex or perhaps she gets herpes or HIV from the boyfriend she thought was honest and loyal to her. That life for you and bad timing rules it.

Another story of mine which has stayed in my head for nine years is the day that changed my life forever.

It was a Sunday in the summer of 2000 and I was a week away from going back to college for my sophomore year. I had spent the summer in Carbondale, Illinois working out with friends. NBA, Overseas and college basketball players spent their summers there working out against the best to improve their games. Me, I was fresh off a successful freshman year in college, where I had ups and downs in college. I didn’t like college and I wanted to leave as soon as possible. My dreams of playing in the NBA were as strong as ever and I had the game to back it. I went hard that summer because I had a feeling that I was leaving the next year, to try pro basketball after only two years of college. My people around me supported the idea and I even got advice from people in the NBA. So my confidence needed no boost, I was on cloud nine. So that Sunday was nothing but a routine workout before I left back to school. I worked out with two guys, Troy Hudson and Rashad Tucker. We shot about 500 hundred shots before calling it a day.

While we were getting ready to leave, Stan Gouard, a former player who played at my university, was on a court playing and they needed one more player to play because a player got hurt. I didn’t want to play, but I was nice enough to say yes. It was a game with no talent or passion, just a bunch of guys trying to play. I shouldn’t have been on the court.  I spent the whole game not doing anything, just trying to get the game over and leave. It was point game when I leaked out for the ball and got it. I was all alone and decided to end the game with a flashy play. A guy came running at me and I then decided to dunk the ball and do with flare. I should have just layed the ball up and the game was over, but no my stupid idea changed my life. I jumped as high as I could and when I mean high, think Lebron James high and I cocked the ball back with one arm and attempted to dunk the ball. When I did this, the guy running towards me, ran under me and undercut me and I flipped. I heard a pop and I knew it wasn’t good. I landed and the first words out of my mouth were, “God Why Me”. I was on the floor crying in pain and my knee was the size of volleyball. I tore my ACL and I went from thinking about the NBA to thinking about rehabbing and sitting out for a whole year.

A routine day in which I was to shoot a few balls, go home and pack for school, turned into a nightmare. But it didn’t crush my spirit. I knew I would play ball again, but I didn’t know if I would ever be the same player again and I wasn’t. While sitting out that year, I had to be away from the team and rehab and attend class. While sitting out with a knee injury, I discovered a passion of mine. Writing. I was just acting silly trying to be creative, when I noticed a creative side. I started to enjoy school for the first time in my life and I ended up getting A’s in my classes. I graduated in three years from college and ended up getting another degree, my final year of basketball.

Without that injury, I wouldn’t have noticed my talent for writing or finished school and I really mean that. So that’s where I give bad timing, thumbs up and I understand his hand in life. He gives and takes away and in that odd way, bad timing blessed me way more than basketball could ever have.

So no matter what is it, losing a parent or friend, getting into a car accident the first week you get the car, missing a party your friends decided to go to without and then tragically dies in a car accident or you running out of gas right in front of the gas station and the guy who helps push the car into the gas turns out to be your soul mate, bad timing is present and always lurking for better or worse.

God Bless

Sir William

Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying

If you’ve had the delight of meeting me in the past month, you will notice something very different about my state of mind and body. As far as my mindset goes, I am more unwavering than ever to pursue my lifelong goals and as far as my physical attributes goes, I have dropped about 20 pounds since March and also have brand new tattoo across my chest that stretches to both my shoulders. So if you saw just 6 months ago, I may look different to you and my thought process is very different in a positive way.“Get Busy Living OR Get Busy Dying”……My version

This beautiful quote that I have taken a liking to came from the movie “Shawshank Redemption” starring Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman. It is also one of my much loved movies of all time. If you haven’t seen it, you have to be one of the most unlucky people on the planet, because it is truly an influential film that stretches the imagination and heart. To sum it up, Tim Robbins character Andy Dufrain was charged with murdering his wife and her secret lover. He was naively framed and was sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole. He makes friends with Morgan Freeman’s character Red and they become best friends the whole time he was in prison. Years later, while he was in prison, Andy received some invaluable information, that could get him out of prison and he went to the warden about it. The warden, who Andy was working for while in prison refused to hear the case or the story, because he didn’t want to lose him. Andy, very disturbed, became irate and ended up being sent to the hole for a couple months. When he finally got out of the hole, he was miserable and stuck between living and giving up. He had a heated discussion with Red and told him that he had to get out of prison. Knowing that he was guiltless of the crime, 20 years was enough for him in prison and he decided that you can do either two things in life, “Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying”. He broke out of prison and fled to Mexico.

Just a truly influential movie, that got me thinking about my own life in that manner. 2009 has been somewhat of a good but puzzling year for me. After all, my New Year resolution was to just spend a vacation on a tropical island alone and slim down physically for my opportunity to get into acting and television. I slimmed down tremendously, but have yet gone anywhere to clear my head and soak up some sun. I haven’t traveled anywhere this year, which is a first and the summer has been average with me spending most of the time up in Minneapolis visiting my childhood friend. So I can say it has been a simple 2009 with little advancement in life. I have to say, I really wasted the past few years of my life by avoiding things I should be doing the most.

At the tender age of 28, I have a large amount of memories to smile about, but yet I find myself displeased with where I’m at in my life. For almost anyone else I know, if they had the privilege to experience things I have done since graduating college (2004), they would be thrilled. I have enjoyed time living in Greece, a third world country in Malaysia and soaked up sun in Australia for ten months. I worked as a party promoter in Las Vegas and enjoyed neighbors like Kevin Federline and Paris Hilton while living with friends in Los Angeles. Some people would take pleasure in telling these stories, but I am not pleased with where I am at in life.

I had an impressive basketball career in high school, college and internationally, but after my knee injury in college, basketball was really a job instead of a passion. I spent the last three years, working with children wherever I’ve lived and it has been rewarding in a way, but I never looked at it as a profession. My capability to possess a childlike energy, keeps me having fun in life, but doesn’t keep me satisfied with where my life is at.

So that is why I have determined that I can do two things in life and those are, “Get Busy Living OR Get Busy Dying”. I chose, Get Busy Living, because I was never the person to give up on anything in life, I am too obstinate. I have been fortunate and skilled enough to have succeeded in everything I have tried. I have always understood that hard work goes a long way. I came from a hard working family and I also saw how hard some people I know worked to get where they were. I witnessed my mother walk three miles in the freezing snow, when her car broke down to go to work. I have seen friends of mine work three jobs with no free time, just so they can pay tuition for school. I felt the love of my grandmother when she gave me money she didn’t have, just so I could have something to spend when I was broke in college. These people are the idols of my life, not any celebrities. Real life people that I have seen work hard and not whine about anything. They chose to live……The one thing that has dissatisfied me the most, is letting the talent I have waste away.

 In college, I was an All-American basketball player that got by off talent alone. I gained weight and never really trained as hard as I could have, but still was able to be better than 98 percent of the people I played with and against. After college I didn’t want to pursue a professional career in basketball, because I never had the same affection for it anymore, so I played only a couple years overseas. As far as education goes, I graduated with two degrees from my university, but never thought about using my degrees until later in life. I received one degree in Public Relations which was a pointless degree and another in Acting & Film.

Acting, which is the thing I want to do more than anything, has been put off many times for nothing. I’ve had call backs for auditions and movie roles, but never took them serious. I’m sure I have pissed off a few casting directors and agents who had faith in me. Everyone I know in LA wants to be an actor or musician and most of them will sadly never make it. The odds of becoming of a working actor in Hollywood or a Musician have to be one in a billion. I never looked at it as a hard career choice, because it was never a dream of mine to be a movie star, it has always just been a talent of mine since I was nine years old acting in plays. I have always felt I was better in performing arts, than I was in sports and that’s saying a lot. Ever since I was around sixteen, I always said I would move out to California and pursue acting, but the whole time I have been out here in California, it’s been about the partying and bullshit. I let myself get consumed by my lust’s instead of my task to succeed. I don’t regret anything, but I am disappointed, because there is not a single reason on this planet why I am not acting or why I am not a successful person to my liking. Not one reason and it is a shame that I have let my talent and opportunities go to waste for nothing.

So that is why I have chose to, “Get Busy Living” instead of “Get Busy Dying, because I know that my life didn’t stop at bouncing a ball and it didn’t stop at clubs, girls and the pursuit of shallow dollars. I have “Get Busy Living OR Get Busy Dying” tattooed across my chest to remind me every day, to never let myself down again….God Bless