Archive for March, 2011


So In Love With A Dead Person

For all that’s beautiful in this world, you are the only person who has brought me comfort in a time of heartache and sadness. When no one even thought to call me on a bad day, you were always there to stroke my ego. The true love that I have for you, is something an honest man like me can’t even put into words. The feelings that I’ve had while you were around, were something that you may feel only your wedding day. My outlook on life with you in it, was something that only a man, who has felt no worry or suffering, can relate to. The times that I felt safe in this cold bitter world, was when you were tattooed all throughout my life. You stayed beautiful even when you started to bare wrinkles and only a fool would foolishly throw away a relationship with you because of your appearance.

 When I first met you, you had that stubborn personality that told me that you only messed with people, who were really about their business, so that made me more determined to achieve more, so that I had a chance to earn quality time with you.  The moment I did, I was in love with everything about you and I never wanted you to leave my side. You were much older than me with way more experience, but you showed me the highs and lows of life and prepared me for the times you might not be around.

Most of my friends said you were fake and plastic with few morals, but I saw way more and ignored their jealous plight. I saw in you, a deep passion and a  love for all people, that was similar to a vet loving pets or a mother nurturing her firstborn. You gave every person the same chance to get acquainted with you and even made the ugliest men feel like King Tut. That right there, showed me from the beginning, that you were rarer than the other loves that I have had in my life up until that point.

You expressed gratitude and praise for the efforts I gave in pursuing you, so in return you gave me a peek inside your fabulous lifestyle. Your lifestyle was way different from the others that I have been with and you shared with me the riches of your life. I felt spoiled and undeserving of such an honor, but I stayed humble and accepted everything you offered with gracious respect for the others who weren’t so lucky.

The moments we shared together were better than having sex after a 2 year celibacy hiatus and the times you were away, were like isolated nights in a freezing desert with no coat or jacket.  I never thought that a person could make my heart feel a certain way just by the mere presence of their shadow.  Your aura could fuel a million cars and provide light to a billion homes. I feel like I lost a part of me once you passed away from my life and I have been searching for the likes of you ever since. They say that time heals all wounds, but I can’t accept the fact that I woke up from a peaceful night of sleep and suddenly you had vanished. It was like a 9.0 earthquake on my life and I have been slowly recovering ever since.

If there was one thing that I could say about you that I never did while you were around, it would be that you were by far the most refreshing person I have ever had in my life. I have never been in love, so I have no clue what that feeling feels like and I have heard that is a way better feeling, but the way you were to me, was like a loyal pet that never left home, so to see you pass away from my life is like a stingray’s tail to the heart. I just hope it’s not permanent and I am able to revive what we once had out of the darkness. If not, I must go on knowing that life with you was great and without you, I must deal with the reality of you not around anymore. For some reason, I just can’t accept that, because I am still in love with a man named Benjamin Franklin.

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What If

 

Who would have thought that life’s most cherishing gift would be as hard to solve as Sudoku? The puzzle of love has kept me awake for more nights than a graveyard shift security officer. The lost sleep seems to only fuel the fire of my thoughts, in which I seek for answers to life’s most rewarding feeling. Sometimes it seems like my mind and heart are in two different time zones, which only creates confusion when it comes to understanding that the person I have wanted for so long, may be right in my face and I never even knew it.

The worst thing that a person could say is WHAT IF?  The feeling of wondering what could have been only adds to the misery of lost promise. If you ever were unfortunate enough to be in that situation, then you will understand where I am coming from, because it is like a never ending migraine on your heart. Regardless of the future, in which love may bloom in your heart on a daily basis, the ONE that got away may never escape the prison of your mind. It’s that ONE person that got away, that will haunt the dreams of your heart for eternity like a nightmare on elm street movie. 

So with that understood, I must finally muster enough courage to tell the ONE that she is what makes my world complete. She is the ONE, who possesses the kerosene that lights the fire in my belly and warms my heart. Without her, life would go on as normal, but with her, life would be as magical as meteor shower across a perfectly clear sky. Her smile awakens my soul and her touch matures my spirit. The sight of her causes my vision to blur others out, as her voice constantly interrupts my daily thoughts. She defines a queen and commands my full attention as if she was mightier than Alexander the Great himself.

For so long, I have traveled life’s unforgiving road of heartbreak and disappointment and I finally found the person who was the missing piece of my puzzle. To throw that away would sillier than a Charlie Sheen interview. Things can go from great to worst in a nanosecond and before you know it, that person that could have been the ONE,  has slipped out the back door of your heart and you never saw them leave. There is no time to be afraid of looking weak when it comes to telling the ONE that keeps you and your heart up at night, that you want them in your life. There should never be a muzzle on your heart, so the key is to tell that ONE person before it’s too late and they have left out the back door of your heart and didn’t even close the door.