Category: LIFE


INESCAPABLE

As the new born morning flirts with my soul, I gaze out of my bedroom window staring at nothing, but thinking about everything. My thoughts are steadily on a drug addict like high without the use of any narcotics, but the pressures of the day still makes me want to sink back into the bed and curl up like a little child who still thinks the boogeyman exist. The possibility of tomorrow however lift my spirit and awakens my ego, so I still get up like a defeated boxer who has just lost his belt, just as my curtains are also defeated by the suns Mike Tyson like aura.

For years, I have been the villain of my life when it came to stability, responsibility and direction, but now I feel content like I am under a spell by goddess, who has imprisoned my heart. With no way to free myself from this self-guided purgatory, I allow my soul to surrender to this inescapable power that caresses my fears, befriends my dreams and makes love to my heart.

Everywhere around us is the beauty of Mother Nature and God’s wonderful artistry. The oceans, mountains, clouds and rain forests of the world are a small spec in comparison to God’s ultimate creation, which is the pure heart. The pure heart that “he who is the most high” created, blesses only a select few to be able to coddle a soul like a mother to her first born or a father to his first son.

You make me feel safe in a world that possesses the security codes to my worst fears and you make me feel wonderful in a time where I should feel saddened by the irresponsibility of our generation. You bring the possibility of change to my heart more than any president could and you continue to make good on your promise as quickly as a Las Vegas casino does by taking your pride and money.

The most beautiful things in life sometime come from life’s fertilizer and you have gladly taken my shit and painted a wonderful mosaic picture in my mind when it comes to my life, your heart and our future. Waiting to see you makes hours seem like years, minutes go by like months and seconds feel like weeks.

 In the blink of an eye, you could be gone, I could botch our future like a field goal holder during the super o or our love could just fade away from our hearts just as quickly as a tsunami washes away homes. For the first time in my life I am not afraid. I finally feel peace and the winds of doubt are silenced by the beauty in your eyes and assurance in your actions. You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometime, you might just get what you need and in this case, I got both. You are what I have wanted ever since I knew what love was, a real life fantasy with no popcorn, candy or ending credits.

Be my Rose Dewitt Bukater and I will promise to be your Jack Dawson and protect your heart from drowning in pain.  I will never let go even if my physical body is taken from this earth. The valuable moments that we all have in life should be shared with someone special and fortunately I found a locksmith that made a key that can never be replaced and it belongs to you my love.

Never change who you are, because I finally found someone who motivates me to be better in a world that forces you to give up. The only thing I can promise you that is more valuable than money, material and other shallow things is the fact that I intend to suffer for your happiness and our future.

I am all yours!!!

A Love Migraine

For what it’s worth, life is full of unexpected twists and turns that keep you in engaged for the most part. Who would have thought that a little thing could lead into something that has my mind totally lost in a dark labyrinth with no flashlight? The feelings that have suddenly developed are sort of like a blindsided punch from Mike Tyson and the fact that it was so out of left field makes it harder to recover from. It’s like you intruded my heart with 10,000 Trojan soldiers and took over my mind with calculated decisions. Is this a dream or is this what love actually feels like? I have always heard that love is sickening and hurtful to the point where you actually begin to love the pain. I am starting to see clearly through the dark fog, which is my prideful mind and understand that love is beyond powerful.

The fact that I stare into another woman eyes and still think about you, is why I have decided to accept that fact that I finally love something. All my life, it has been about me and no one else, but I can finally see myself giving up a plethora of things to have you in my life. The decision has made many around me jealous and frustrated, but there is only room for one heart in my chest and I decided that it belongs to you. For years, I have traveled the world in a nomadic  state searching for something or someone, who would give me motivation to change my selfish ways and you are the only one who challenged me to change and wouldn’t take no for an answer.

You threaten to leave and never talk to me again, but the love that you had for me, made you give me chance after chance even though you should have walked away a long time ago. You told me that there were many people, who put in the time and effort to earn your affection and were not unappreciative of your worth. When the door was beginning to close, I finally decided to stand up and pull you back into my life. If I was in a hospital bed, my vitals at the time would have been lifeless and my dialysis may have shown a flat line. I don’t know what it was or when it happened, but all of sudden the sun felt like it was on my face and I finally felt the heat to open my lazy mouth and say the words that most men are afraid to say, which is LOSING. I had lost you and you helped me realized that my shit does stink and if I wanted something I would have to work at it and not be spoon fed it.

 On that note, I want to whisper just a few words to you that mean the world to me and show you that I do care. “I Love You”. You can take that any way you want it, but the fact that I was strong enough to say those words out of my mouth at this present time, shows that I have come a long way from where I just was. This LOVE MIGRAINE that I have is painful, but needed like a crutch to a man with a broken leg to see that I have something to live for. I finally removed the clothing of my body to reveal my ET like chest and show you that I have a heart embedded in my body just like everyone else, but it took me seeing you walking out of my life to realize it.

 I will never let you down again.

So In Love With A Dead Person

For all that’s beautiful in this world, you are the only person who has brought me comfort in a time of heartache and sadness. When no one even thought to call me on a bad day, you were always there to stroke my ego. The true love that I have for you, is something an honest man like me can’t even put into words. The feelings that I’ve had while you were around, were something that you may feel only your wedding day. My outlook on life with you in it, was something that only a man, who has felt no worry or suffering, can relate to. The times that I felt safe in this cold bitter world, was when you were tattooed all throughout my life. You stayed beautiful even when you started to bare wrinkles and only a fool would foolishly throw away a relationship with you because of your appearance.

 When I first met you, you had that stubborn personality that told me that you only messed with people, who were really about their business, so that made me more determined to achieve more, so that I had a chance to earn quality time with you.  The moment I did, I was in love with everything about you and I never wanted you to leave my side. You were much older than me with way more experience, but you showed me the highs and lows of life and prepared me for the times you might not be around.

Most of my friends said you were fake and plastic with few morals, but I saw way more and ignored their jealous plight. I saw in you, a deep passion and a  love for all people, that was similar to a vet loving pets or a mother nurturing her firstborn. You gave every person the same chance to get acquainted with you and even made the ugliest men feel like King Tut. That right there, showed me from the beginning, that you were rarer than the other loves that I have had in my life up until that point.

You expressed gratitude and praise for the efforts I gave in pursuing you, so in return you gave me a peek inside your fabulous lifestyle. Your lifestyle was way different from the others that I have been with and you shared with me the riches of your life. I felt spoiled and undeserving of such an honor, but I stayed humble and accepted everything you offered with gracious respect for the others who weren’t so lucky.

The moments we shared together were better than having sex after a 2 year celibacy hiatus and the times you were away, were like isolated nights in a freezing desert with no coat or jacket.  I never thought that a person could make my heart feel a certain way just by the mere presence of their shadow.  Your aura could fuel a million cars and provide light to a billion homes. I feel like I lost a part of me once you passed away from my life and I have been searching for the likes of you ever since. They say that time heals all wounds, but I can’t accept the fact that I woke up from a peaceful night of sleep and suddenly you had vanished. It was like a 9.0 earthquake on my life and I have been slowly recovering ever since.

If there was one thing that I could say about you that I never did while you were around, it would be that you were by far the most refreshing person I have ever had in my life. I have never been in love, so I have no clue what that feeling feels like and I have heard that is a way better feeling, but the way you were to me, was like a loyal pet that never left home, so to see you pass away from my life is like a stingray’s tail to the heart. I just hope it’s not permanent and I am able to revive what we once had out of the darkness. If not, I must go on knowing that life with you was great and without you, I must deal with the reality of you not around anymore. For some reason, I just can’t accept that, because I am still in love with a man named Benjamin Franklin.

What If

 

Who would have thought that life’s most cherishing gift would be as hard to solve as Sudoku? The puzzle of love has kept me awake for more nights than a graveyard shift security officer. The lost sleep seems to only fuel the fire of my thoughts, in which I seek for answers to life’s most rewarding feeling. Sometimes it seems like my mind and heart are in two different time zones, which only creates confusion when it comes to understanding that the person I have wanted for so long, may be right in my face and I never even knew it.

The worst thing that a person could say is WHAT IF?  The feeling of wondering what could have been only adds to the misery of lost promise. If you ever were unfortunate enough to be in that situation, then you will understand where I am coming from, because it is like a never ending migraine on your heart. Regardless of the future, in which love may bloom in your heart on a daily basis, the ONE that got away may never escape the prison of your mind. It’s that ONE person that got away, that will haunt the dreams of your heart for eternity like a nightmare on elm street movie. 

So with that understood, I must finally muster enough courage to tell the ONE that she is what makes my world complete. She is the ONE, who possesses the kerosene that lights the fire in my belly and warms my heart. Without her, life would go on as normal, but with her, life would be as magical as meteor shower across a perfectly clear sky. Her smile awakens my soul and her touch matures my spirit. The sight of her causes my vision to blur others out, as her voice constantly interrupts my daily thoughts. She defines a queen and commands my full attention as if she was mightier than Alexander the Great himself.

For so long, I have traveled life’s unforgiving road of heartbreak and disappointment and I finally found the person who was the missing piece of my puzzle. To throw that away would sillier than a Charlie Sheen interview. Things can go from great to worst in a nanosecond and before you know it, that person that could have been the ONE,  has slipped out the back door of your heart and you never saw them leave. There is no time to be afraid of looking weak when it comes to telling the ONE that keeps you and your heart up at night, that you want them in your life. There should never be a muzzle on your heart, so the key is to tell that ONE person before it’s too late and they have left out the back door of your heart and didn’t even close the door.

A Moment With My Conscious

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Footprints Of History

As I look down at my feet in the sand of the beautiful Atlantic, I see the footprints of those who have led the way for me to succeed. I see the men and women, who were brought over here in cargo ships and sold off as slaves to build a nation which doesn’t appreciate us or our history. I continue to walk and I see the footprints of young men and women, who bravely sat in restaurants they couldn’t eat in and be hauled off to jail, just because they wanted equal rights. I notice footprints of a young preacher from Atlanta, who had the courage to die for what he believed in, which was a dream that America was a nation for all people to get along and prosper and not be judged based off the color of their skin. I see the footprints of an ex-black Muslim leader (born on the same day as me), who was killed because he disagreed with the teachings of his people, who were morally corrupt and hypocritical of the things they preached. I stumble over the footprints of a president, who was assassinated, because he freed a race of people and believed that the nation was better off with all people of all colors having equal rights. I then see the footprints of another president that my people finally believed in, but was assassinated, because some people in this country didn’t believe he had their best interest in hand.

As I begin to walk down the beach, I see countless more footprints of people, who have paved the way for my country and my people to prosper and succeed in a place which is thought to be free. The farther I get down the beach, the fewer footprints I start to see in the sand. The footprints become almost as invisible as oxygen is to the human eye, and I begin to realize that my generation and the one before it, has done nothing to guide the future generations to come. The accountability in responsibility has faded away like letters drawn in the sand on the shore of an ocean. People have stopped appreciating history and have begun to ignore and forget what made this country special. They say the more you dig for something, the more the truth comes out and I believe my generation is too selfish to appreciate our nation’s history and too close minded to accept the truth. On both sides of the fence, people have shunned away the past with little respect and care of what our future generations will learn. I think it is our duty as a country, to teach the young kids of all ethnic backgrounds the truth and the proper history of a nation that has shed lots of blood and tears to get to where we’re at.

As the footprints slowly disappear, I put my feet in the sand and begin to walk a path of honor, respect and love for those who have died for my freedom and my ability to live a life, where I am free to choose. I see new footprints of a senator from Illinois, who gives hope and courage to a nation that desperately, needs change. While we wait to see where his footprints go, I casually walk along the path of all those footprints and begin to plant my feet in US history. I can only hope that the future people of this country can look at my life, as one that can be taught and appreciated for what I have done to help my people and my country. There are far too many people who are only concerned for their own well being and it has to stop. I am someone who wants an abundance of power, so that I can use my fame, morals and brains to steer a new generation in the right direction.

GOD BLESS