Archive for October, 2010

The Afterlife

As my heart settles into its final resting place, I take the time to reflect on what a joyful life it has been for me up until now. Life has presented me with many obstacles that have allowed me to weave in and out of the path of destruction. I’ve discovered what was good for me and what wasn’t. At times, I felt like I had life figured out and the next thing I know, I was either being fooled or being proven wrong.

No matter how many times I reflect, I can’t help but shed a tear on the reality of life as I know it ending. I’ll take the good and bad of my life any day, but the chance for me to spread my wings and fly with an angel is far better than the life that many enjoy here on earth. The sacrifice that I am making is one where I will be far better in the end. The commitment that I made to the one I love is far more rewarding than a daily routine of figuring out what makes me happy. I am in a place where only people with golden hearts dwell and anyone around me will be consumed by the energy that feeds my heart.

As people begin to fill the church to pay homage to the glorious life that was only the prelude, I wonder do any of these people really care about the outcome that has come about. Do they really feel happy that I have moved on to a better place? Or do they laugh at the death of me, happy as ever to see my soul perish into eternal damnation for the few people of my kind.

For all that is glorious in life, I made a decision that brought an end to my selfish life. Many question the final choice that I decided on that led to my premature death, but I feel confident as ever as my soul and heart turns into a platinum me. The after life will be far more rewarding than the pointless life that I been living for years upon years. The gates of eternity seem far less frightening than what I expected and the stories of bitterness and boredom have been replaced with countless chapters of love that will last forever.

As the people filled the church and took their seats, they were able to witness a man, who started out as a boy, give up his single life for the ultimate luxury, a wife. The days of clubbing have been replaced with priceless nights on the couch, vacations to islands, trips to historic cites and beautiful countries. The one night stand has been replaced with emotional love making and quickies that out weighs any sexual encounter with a person who doesn’t even know my last name. The lonely holidays are filled with laughter, cuddling and smiles as I remember the times where I didn’t even have anyone that I wanted to kiss on new years eve.

As I close the casket on the life that preceded me, I begin to shed a tear staring at the one that I love and will happily marry.  I been a lost boy walking in the fog of isolation and by pure luck, I found the one that I couldn’t go a day without wanting to see. The moments that had me questioning the existence of love are replaced with happiness and newfound purpose, in which I show the ones around me, a man who lived a life of selfishness, foolishness and stupid pride could change and settle down with one person and be happy.

Closing the casket on my single life only means one thing to me and that’s the reality of  being in love with someone and it’s worth every second of the rest of my life.


Love In A Big Blue Ball


On this day, the early morning sunrise awakens a lost soul that for some time has felt emptier than a homeless man cup on an average day. The clear blue skies ease my mind as I gaze into the sky searching for a thought or clue to what my life purpose is. My heart sags deep inside my chest hiding from temptation and despair, only while hoping to connect with someone who feels just the same. The true lovers of the earth go through hell before they fine heaven in someone. My personal purgatory has been filled with isolation from those who feel like me. On the outside I appear stronger than titanium, but on the inside I possess a soul that feels like it has been in a 15 round boxing match with Muhammad Ali. For some reason, I was born to love and as I age finer than a bottle of Heidsieck, I begin to realize I am not like everyone else. I notice that my thought process produces magical thoughts of happiness that only appears into love stories or romantic movies from the 50’s like South Pacific and The Quiet Man.

Trying to find love in this big blue ball is the catch 22 that is tattooed on my mind and heart. The mere mentioning of the words Love or Happiness brings a smile to my face that can only be reproduced when I see my mother or grandmother. The future holds a great chapter for me that has yet to take form because everyday I learn something new about myself that wasn’t there the day before. The only thing that I can attest to that will remain with me until the day I return to the dust from which I came, is the purity of my beliefs that love conquers anything. Whether that is money, material, looks or stubborn values, love transcends human nature in a way that is unexplainable just like me being able to go to sleep and wake up everyday. The fact that I am able to write this and be as genuine as a new born baby smile, proves that something greater than me or you created this big blue ball out of some kind of love. I use to wonder if the creator of this world made this big blue ball to prove to some other Godley life form how powerful he or she was. As my mind pauses on that thought, I should point out that the world has been around for billions of years and the fact that it has lasted that long goes to show you how much GOD(whatever name) has for us as a creation.

We all are gods of our own lives and we all have the ability to create something that is as magical as a Harry potter book. I want to produce out of thin air, a courtship in which I take my time to get to know someone and learn to love the things I disagree about that person. I want to be able to look back 20 years from now and smile about the first time I met the women I am still in love with. I want to be able to tell my great grandchildren the story of how I met her and how nervous I was when I proposed. I want to look at our first photo album together and wonder where all those years went. This is the reason why I shall not want or hurry for love, but I will stay as thirsty for it as a runner is for water after completing the Boston marathon. Until then, I will wonder where my thought process will be just a day from now. The one thing that I know for sure like I said before is the heart that is logged into my chest will remain patient for the one who deserves a love that is as rare as a mythical unicorn (they don’t exist).