Tag Archive: sorrow


A Hibiscus Love

The whispers of your promise float away on a ship that is set to never return. The sunshine appears to fade as the clouds of misery begin to descend upon my heart. What was thought to be true love now appears to be true sadness. The memories of happiness are now frozen in time, with only mental pictures, that now seem like moments that never even happen. Just months ago, our love appeared to be on a journey that had its final destination ending at the gates of eternity. The unconditional nature of our courtship seemed so surreal and now the reality of us not being together is actual pain.

“I once had a recurrent dream where you were an angel and we made love on a cloud outside the gates of heaven. I had not yet proved my worth to enter, so God allowed you to leave to visit me. He understood your love for me so well that he lit the sky perfectly like a big candle and we made love for hours on top of that cloud. Once he summoned for your return, I woke up anxiously waiting to fall back asleep. Each night was the same dream with different scenarios.”

That dream had a drug like effect on my heart and kept me addicted for a long time after you were gone. As fragile as love and life can be, I never looked at our situation in such a short manner. I had no idea that you would be taken away from me so soon, so young and so beautiful. The last words from your mouth were, “I LOVE YOU” and I will never forget them, because you were the only one that has ever actually meant them. You came into my life when I needed you most and you left when I wasn’t strong enough to handle it. My soul appears to be on life support and I am not sure what I am going to do. I just hope that my next dream is one where you bring peace to my heart, so I can once again regain a calmness that you once bestowed on me.

“Our life together seemed to bloom like a Hibiscus flower and fade away just as quickly. You were full of life and love, but you came and went like that beautiful flower that blooms for a day and is gone forever.”

I can never replace what you were and what you stood for, but it is healthy for my soul to do so. I never imagined that I could want to leave this earth to be with you so soon. Life has a funny way of showing you how much it’s in control. When everything appears to be smooth sailing, the sky turns black, the waves get higher and the wind begins to produce a monster hurricane that brings destruction upon your heart. My heart has been shattered into pieces not by disappointment, but by guilt.  The guilt of never really telling you how much I love you while you were here. I took for granted that you would always be around and the moment you wasn’t, my heart began to plunge deep into the ocean of heartbreak.

The impressive physical strength that I possess only makes me feel weaker when I realize it has nothing to do with the strength of the soul. You can’t bench press your heart and a leg press has nothing to do with your spirit.”

As the evening turns to night, I sit on a balcony looking up at the moon wondering if you are on the cloud that once was occupied by my dreams. I wonder if you are up there looking down on me with a smile of promise. A promise of a better tomorrow and an even happier ending. An ending where my dream of making love on a cloud isn’t a dream after all, but a physical reality. A reality where love is not just a thought out process in which hopeless souls day dream, but where hopeless souls find their true counterpart and live a eternal life of joy, honor and commitment that last forever.

“Whether that day appears soon or years later, I will always keep my heart locked away until the day our souls reconnect. You are the one that completed my journey of love and you were taken away too soon, so I am being stubborn with life and shallow to the point of only wanting you to claim what is rightfully yours.”

Will Harris

My thanks to single parents

I never thought I would ever fully understand how hard it is to raise a child alone. I just thought it was something that life makes you adjust to, no matter what. I have seen women and men, raise children on their own all my life, most of the time it being a woman. I never really cared to think about how much sacrifice and heartache they go thru time after time. I thought I would have to have a child of my own, to really understand the dedication a single parent has to make, to make life normal for a child being the only parent involved…..

            I am not here to bash dead beat parents, who were too cowardly to man up to their responsibilities. That’s not for me to judge. There are many men and women who take full responsibility to raising their child even when they are separated. I am here to honor the people who do it alone and have no complaints about being a single parent…..

            I was raised by my mother and grandmother and never had a father figure in my life. My biological father has been absent 99 percent of it and the memories I do have of him are visiting him in prison when I was a child. I don’t make excuses for my life being difficult because I never had my father present. I think my life may have been different a little bit, if I would have had a father in my life to show me things. For example, how to shave or talk to girls, dribble my first basketball or throw my first right hand punch and attend my graduations. Maybe my life wouldn’t have some holes in it, but I don’t think it would have altered the way I am as a person. I am happy with my life, because my single parent chose to make my life great no matter what…..

            The unspeakable strength that a single parent has, is something that god only knows. Think about the woman who is left to take care of two twins, because her children’s father decided he doesn’t want to be with her anymore, so he leaves her to be with another woman. What about the widow of a firefighter who is left to take care of her four children after her husband tragically, dies, trying to save a burning building. Where does a single parent get the courage and strength to go on and continue life? How do they keep a smile on their face, when they know it is their sole responsibility to raise the kids? My answer, I don’t know. Whatever it may be, it has to be a special gift from god.

   I am 28 years of age and I have no children. I have lived all over the world and I have met countless women time after time raising children on their own. The interesting thing I have noticed about all of these women was the fact that I never heard excuses. No matter where I was whether it was Chicago, Las Vegas, San Diego, Phoenix, Los Angeles, Atlanta, Orlando, Minneapolis, Australia, Greece, Malaysia and London, women never made excuses. They took the loss of the chin and kept it moving. It was sad to hear that most of these women were raising children on their own, because a man decided he didn’t want a kid, after he had a significant part in making it. But that didn’t matter to the women I met, they were like, fuck him. My child will be ok and have the best life he could have. To me, I was like, damn, I wish I had that strength. But that’s the special gift that single parent possesses.

    So to all the women and men out there who are doing it alone, I want you to understand that I appreciate you. I respect you more than anyone in the world. You are head above shoulders over anyone else. The strength you have to raise a child go on is a joy to see. You give me courage to go out into the world and achieve anything I want to do. For it is you, that makes the world better. I want you all to know that no matter what, there are people like me out there that understand respects and appreciate you. You are the true definition of a hero….God Bless

 

Every now and then I wish I was the shadow of myself, so that I could be one second behind my decisions. I would have the capability to make smarter choices that my actual self couldn’t make. It would be nice to have a second chance at repentance if only I was my shadow.  I believe he gets a rise out of watching me try over and over again at succeeding in this tough world.

My shadow remains unobserved to the world, meanwhile my actual self, has to deal with the contemporary issues that life hands you. I am envious of the quiet lifestyle that my dark shadow possesses, he is so lucky to be without pain, yet he is present for my glorious accomplishments. My shadow is without judgments; he just cruises along being my silent associate never judging my actions.

He is there when I am cheerless, and he is there when I am jovial. It makes me invidious that my shadow has no emotion, but I understand that God has put him there just to be a sidekick. If only for a day I was my shadow, I could actually take pleasure in a bit of the world without interruption. I am envious of him once again, for the precision in which he possesses.

He is the shadowy knight of my life, a cape crusader observing my every move. It is unachievable for me to escape him, so I just deal with him following my every step.

Just once I wish he could be me, and I be my own silhouette, so I could finally see through the eyes of me………… one second behind.

 

 

The past is something we should use to pilot our future, not something that should have power over us. When we allow our past to dictate what we do now, we are no longer in control of ourselves.

You will never drive life’s highway without sometimes hitting bumps like regrets and heartache. When you do, it’s easy to get stuck there, gazing back into your rearview mirror at the past like a lost soul. That is the same with relationships and many people tend to let their past dictate their future inevitable missing out on someone great, who didn’t get  a fair chance to prove they weren’t the same guy who treated you like crap.

On the outside, people can appear to be the same sometimes, but that doesn’t mean they are. I have met so many women in my life that have accused me of being like someone they dated, without even letting me have a chance to prove that I was unique in my own way. This did not make me mad or frustrated, it actually turned me off, because here I was, a guy who was genuinely interested in a woman who I wanted to spend time with and she is reminding that I was like a past relationship and it was making it hard for her to really trust me. So I refused to be labeled and I came up with ways for troubled hearts to be mended so they could move on. I wanted to make people understand that pushing a person away is not the answer and it only alienates you from good people who want to see you happy.

For one, holding onto sullenness after someone has hurt you will only continue to hurt you more by poisoning your heart and soul. People need to understand that there is only one antidote to that poison and that is moving on. You have to decide not to allow people who have wronged you to keep controlling your life. You have to remember what people have done to you and never forget, but you must embrace a positive future and think the next person or situation that comes in my life will be positive and not negative. You can’t let the grim past clutch onto your future and stay there like plaque on teeth. You have to cleanse your mind of the unhealthy past and think that what you learned or went through will only make the next relationship or situation better.

Secondly, understanding that it’s healthy to remember your past as long as you’re learning from it and remembering how it can help your future situation for the better. But you must beware of becoming so engrossed with your past that it begins to dictate your present and future. Don’t let your past define you; that’s not healthy for you or the person that you are trying to give your heart to. You have to understand that you’re not a victim of your circumstances and that no one but yourself can tie you to the past; you decide whether or not to move on, not anyone else. Realize that your experiences in life aren’t just for your own benefit – they’re also designed to help other people. You can apply what you’ve learned about moving on to encourage others to do the same. There is nothing better than seeing someone help a person through a tough situation they also went through.

Last but not least, how many times have you heard a person say they don’t want to get involved because they don’t want to get their hurt broken again? While this seems like a reasonable outlook after dealing with such a “controlling, lying, or cheating” partner, it is really just a crutch.

When a person compares everyone in their future with the people of their past who have hurt them, they are voluntarily letting them the control their future as well. They are still attached to them in a way that is even worse than when they were together, because now, it isn’t even a real person who controls them, but a shadow of bad memories. It is up to you as an individual to not let yourself be controlled by your past’s ghost. You must remind yourself that you are not with them for a reason and they didn’t deserve you in the first place. Once you come to embrace that you as a partner deserves to be treated like a king or queen, you will then fully understand that the past is the past and it can’t control the beautiful future that awaits you.

EMBRACE YOUR HAPPINESS

Once upon a time you were my perfectly pick flower, a rose that stood out of a dozen. At first,  you seemed to be like the rest of the bunch when it came to appearance, substance and quality. All were exquisite to me at the time, but you stood out like a unicorn among fine horses, just pure beauty you were. I gravitated towards your essence like a bee to the core of a perfect flower. I was fascinated by your splendor and smell from the beginning, but as I came to know more about you, you taught me that deeply rooted in your DNA, was a bloodline of enthusiasm, grace and positivity that made everyone and everything around you feel enhanced.

“You use to be my rose”

I loved you from the moment I laid eyes on you. Anything I did, you were by my side. You were my support and I was the sunlight you greatly required. My love for you flowed like the water you thirst for. I was your protective vase and I became the essential shade that you needed on a daily basis. You were very distinctive from all of the other flowers that I came across in my life. No matter where I was or who I was with, my mind stayed on you. There was no comparing when it came to comparison; you were the Babe Ruth of flowers.

“You use to be my rose”

Sometimes it feels like I hear your footsteps outside my door, but I shouldn’t think that because you are not mines anymore. You did everything right to keep me and my ambiance beautiful. I became lethargic as you continued to shine through my bullshit, and sooner than later, you finally gave up on me. I don’t blame you though, you deserve someone great. Someone who knows what a perfectly picked flower is. Someone that is gracious enough to sacrifice their own time to make sure you are well taken care of.

“You use to be my rose”

I indeed did what every amateur florist does, and that was taking you for granted. The sunlight I once was, became  dim as a dull light bulb. The water you once thirsted for, became dry as a desert lake. I am without words because I took your innocence and beauty for granted. You were the most loyal thing I could have ever asked for, and I couldn’t provide the simplest attention that you warned for to keep you happy.

I don’t deserve you and I don’t want another chance. All I ask is that you find someone who does. You are too rare to be taken lightly, and your exquisiteness should be in the presence of someone who cherishes such a thing. I know now that you are by far the most precious thing I ever had and it is far, far too late to step up to the plate……

“You use to be my rose, rose, rose”………

“But not anymore”