Tag Archive: success


A Love Migraine

For what it’s worth, life is full of unexpected twists and turns that keep you in engaged for the most part. Who would have thought that a little thing could lead into something that has my mind totally lost in a dark labyrinth with no flashlight? The feelings that have suddenly developed are sort of like a blindsided punch from Mike Tyson and the fact that it was so out of left field makes it harder to recover from. It’s like you intruded my heart with 10,000 Trojan soldiers and took over my mind with calculated decisions. Is this a dream or is this what love actually feels like? I have always heard that love is sickening and hurtful to the point where you actually begin to love the pain. I am starting to see clearly through the dark fog, which is my prideful mind and understand that love is beyond powerful.

The fact that I stare into another woman eyes and still think about you, is why I have decided to accept that fact that I finally love something. All my life, it has been about me and no one else, but I can finally see myself giving up a plethora of things to have you in my life. The decision has made many around me jealous and frustrated, but there is only room for one heart in my chest and I decided that it belongs to you. For years, I have traveled the world in a nomadic  state searching for something or someone, who would give me motivation to change my selfish ways and you are the only one who challenged me to change and wouldn’t take no for an answer.

You threaten to leave and never talk to me again, but the love that you had for me, made you give me chance after chance even though you should have walked away a long time ago. You told me that there were many people, who put in the time and effort to earn your affection and were not unappreciative of your worth. When the door was beginning to close, I finally decided to stand up and pull you back into my life. If I was in a hospital bed, my vitals at the time would have been lifeless and my dialysis may have shown a flat line. I don’t know what it was or when it happened, but all of sudden the sun felt like it was on my face and I finally felt the heat to open my lazy mouth and say the words that most men are afraid to say, which is LOSING. I had lost you and you helped me realized that my shit does stink and if I wanted something I would have to work at it and not be spoon fed it.

 On that note, I want to whisper just a few words to you that mean the world to me and show you that I do care. “I Love You”. You can take that any way you want it, but the fact that I was strong enough to say those words out of my mouth at this present time, shows that I have come a long way from where I just was. This LOVE MIGRAINE that I have is painful, but needed like a crutch to a man with a broken leg to see that I have something to live for. I finally removed the clothing of my body to reveal my ET like chest and show you that I have a heart embedded in my body just like everyone else, but it took me seeing you walking out of my life to realize it.

 I will never let you down again.

Advertisements

THE EAGLE IN ME

I soar through life like God’s ranger of the sky. My hasty nature keeps others in mystery of my lifestyle. I am here one minute and gone the next, not being afraid of possible failure or disappointment. I allow myself the independence to discover life’s mystery’s without caring about the outcome. I spread my wings and fly from place to place taking on new challenges day after day. As confusing as my geographical status may be, I allow my instincts to guide me through life without apprehension or fear. I am free of the world’s wretchedness and despair, I play the hand I am dealt and I defeat all comers. My sacred wings seem to be made of titanium and they allow me the capability to fly without fatigue. The wind in my face and the sun on my back is ecstasy to me. From tree top to tree top, I observe nature’s beauty while cautiously noticing my surroundings. I choose to go about my adventures alone to avoid disappointment and I do this with pre-calculated movements. I only wish everyone could be as free as me……

THE EAGLE IN ME

 

Bad timing is like a bad dream that never ends. I am sure that most people around the world has a story or two to tell about bad timing affecting their life. To what extent is a mystery all together, but regardless of how bad or good it was, it changes all of our lives. Think about the woman or man that didn’t make it to work on the morning of September 11, 2001 at the world trade center. Or what about the family that didn’t decide to go on vacation to Southeast Asia in 2004, when a tsunami killed 300,000 people on resorts and beaches. The result of bad timing for them was a great outcome, but think about the person that went to work at the world trade center and the family that went on that vacation to Southeast Asia. Regardless of the decision, bad timing has a way of letting you know he is around the corner.

For me, bad timing has been a figure in my life with a kung fu grip. I can remember being ten years old, sneaking into a closed pool with friends and swimming with no lifeguard around. Just me and four other kids having fun. But for me, I wasn’t an excellent swimmer at that time and I was all alone in the pool. The other kids were off in the laundry area trying to break into the vending machines to get snacks.  While in the shallow end of the pool, I started to swim underwater and forgot where I was in the pool and ended up in the deep end. For me, the deep end was no man’s land and I was starting to drown.  I remember like it was yesterday as I continued to struggle to stay above the water, when I felt an arm grab me and pull me out of ten feet of water. It was my friend Nelson, who was wondering where I was and came looking for me. He saved my life. Bad Timing had a good outcome for me that time.

It’s difficult to understand why things turn out bad for some and good for others. Many people turn to God and seek answers, but for me I just take everything with a grain a salt and understand that we all must play the cards we are dealt. Sometimes life deals you a shitty hand and it’s up to you to choose how you respond. I think people forget that in mostly all religions, God rules with an iron fist, but gives all people free will to live the way they want. Free will to live the life you decide and then when and if you face judgment, it’s your life that you chose freely to live that is judged. Similar to the law, you commit a crime, you do the time. But that’s too deep for me even to write about, God and Judgment.

Like I said before, bad timing has a way of showing you who’s in charge. Very cruel and rewarding at times, bad timing will always show you that he exists for better or worse. Think about the girl who decides to lose her virginity to her boyfriend.  She finally gives in to his demands and lets the guy who she loves take the pure essence of her away, but there is a catch and bad timing lets her have it. She gets pregnant the first time she has sex or perhaps she gets herpes or HIV from the boyfriend she thought was honest and loyal to her. That life for you and bad timing rules it.

Another story of mine which has stayed in my head for nine years is the day that changed my life forever.

It was a Sunday in the summer of 2000 and I was a week away from going back to college for my sophomore year. I had spent the summer in Carbondale, Illinois working out with friends. NBA, Overseas and college basketball players spent their summers there working out against the best to improve their games. Me, I was fresh off a successful freshman year in college, where I had ups and downs in college. I didn’t like college and I wanted to leave as soon as possible. My dreams of playing in the NBA were as strong as ever and I had the game to back it. I went hard that summer because I had a feeling that I was leaving the next year, to try pro basketball after only two years of college. My people around me supported the idea and I even got advice from people in the NBA. So my confidence needed no boost, I was on cloud nine. So that Sunday was nothing but a routine workout before I left back to school. I worked out with two guys, Troy Hudson and Rashad Tucker. We shot about 500 hundred shots before calling it a day.

While we were getting ready to leave, Stan Gouard, a former player who played at my university, was on a court playing and they needed one more player to play because a player got hurt. I didn’t want to play, but I was nice enough to say yes. It was a game with no talent or passion, just a bunch of guys trying to play. I shouldn’t have been on the court.  I spent the whole game not doing anything, just trying to get the game over and leave. It was point game when I leaked out for the ball and got it. I was all alone and decided to end the game with a flashy play. A guy came running at me and I then decided to dunk the ball and do with flare. I should have just layed the ball up and the game was over, but no my stupid idea changed my life. I jumped as high as I could and when I mean high, think Lebron James high and I cocked the ball back with one arm and attempted to dunk the ball. When I did this, the guy running towards me, ran under me and undercut me and I flipped. I heard a pop and I knew it wasn’t good. I landed and the first words out of my mouth were, “God Why Me”. I was on the floor crying in pain and my knee was the size of volleyball. I tore my ACL and I went from thinking about the NBA to thinking about rehabbing and sitting out for a whole year.

A routine day in which I was to shoot a few balls, go home and pack for school, turned into a nightmare. But it didn’t crush my spirit. I knew I would play ball again, but I didn’t know if I would ever be the same player again and I wasn’t. While sitting out that year, I had to be away from the team and rehab and attend class. While sitting out with a knee injury, I discovered a passion of mine. Writing. I was just acting silly trying to be creative, when I noticed a creative side. I started to enjoy school for the first time in my life and I ended up getting A’s in my classes. I graduated in three years from college and ended up getting another degree, my final year of basketball.

Without that injury, I wouldn’t have noticed my talent for writing or finished school and I really mean that. So that’s where I give bad timing, thumbs up and I understand his hand in life. He gives and takes away and in that odd way, bad timing blessed me way more than basketball could ever have.

So no matter what is it, losing a parent or friend, getting into a car accident the first week you get the car, missing a party your friends decided to go to without and then tragically dies in a car accident or you running out of gas right in front of the gas station and the guy who helps push the car into the gas turns out to be your soul mate, bad timing is present and always lurking for better or worse.

God Bless

Sir William

Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying

If you’ve had the delight of meeting me in the past month, you will notice something very different about my state of mind and body. As far as my mindset goes, I am more unwavering than ever to pursue my lifelong goals and as far as my physical attributes goes, I have dropped about 20 pounds since March and also have brand new tattoo across my chest that stretches to both my shoulders. So if you saw just 6 months ago, I may look different to you and my thought process is very different in a positive way.“Get Busy Living OR Get Busy Dying”……My version

This beautiful quote that I have taken a liking to came from the movie “Shawshank Redemption” starring Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman. It is also one of my much loved movies of all time. If you haven’t seen it, you have to be one of the most unlucky people on the planet, because it is truly an influential film that stretches the imagination and heart. To sum it up, Tim Robbins character Andy Dufrain was charged with murdering his wife and her secret lover. He was naively framed and was sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole. He makes friends with Morgan Freeman’s character Red and they become best friends the whole time he was in prison. Years later, while he was in prison, Andy received some invaluable information, that could get him out of prison and he went to the warden about it. The warden, who Andy was working for while in prison refused to hear the case or the story, because he didn’t want to lose him. Andy, very disturbed, became irate and ended up being sent to the hole for a couple months. When he finally got out of the hole, he was miserable and stuck between living and giving up. He had a heated discussion with Red and told him that he had to get out of prison. Knowing that he was guiltless of the crime, 20 years was enough for him in prison and he decided that you can do either two things in life, “Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying”. He broke out of prison and fled to Mexico.

Just a truly influential movie, that got me thinking about my own life in that manner. 2009 has been somewhat of a good but puzzling year for me. After all, my New Year resolution was to just spend a vacation on a tropical island alone and slim down physically for my opportunity to get into acting and television. I slimmed down tremendously, but have yet gone anywhere to clear my head and soak up some sun. I haven’t traveled anywhere this year, which is a first and the summer has been average with me spending most of the time up in Minneapolis visiting my childhood friend. So I can say it has been a simple 2009 with little advancement in life. I have to say, I really wasted the past few years of my life by avoiding things I should be doing the most.

At the tender age of 28, I have a large amount of memories to smile about, but yet I find myself displeased with where I’m at in my life. For almost anyone else I know, if they had the privilege to experience things I have done since graduating college (2004), they would be thrilled. I have enjoyed time living in Greece, a third world country in Malaysia and soaked up sun in Australia for ten months. I worked as a party promoter in Las Vegas and enjoyed neighbors like Kevin Federline and Paris Hilton while living with friends in Los Angeles. Some people would take pleasure in telling these stories, but I am not pleased with where I am at in life.

I had an impressive basketball career in high school, college and internationally, but after my knee injury in college, basketball was really a job instead of a passion. I spent the last three years, working with children wherever I’ve lived and it has been rewarding in a way, but I never looked at it as a profession. My capability to possess a childlike energy, keeps me having fun in life, but doesn’t keep me satisfied with where my life is at.

So that is why I have determined that I can do two things in life and those are, “Get Busy Living OR Get Busy Dying”. I chose, Get Busy Living, because I was never the person to give up on anything in life, I am too obstinate. I have been fortunate and skilled enough to have succeeded in everything I have tried. I have always understood that hard work goes a long way. I came from a hard working family and I also saw how hard some people I know worked to get where they were. I witnessed my mother walk three miles in the freezing snow, when her car broke down to go to work. I have seen friends of mine work three jobs with no free time, just so they can pay tuition for school. I felt the love of my grandmother when she gave me money she didn’t have, just so I could have something to spend when I was broke in college. These people are the idols of my life, not any celebrities. Real life people that I have seen work hard and not whine about anything. They chose to live……The one thing that has dissatisfied me the most, is letting the talent I have waste away.

 In college, I was an All-American basketball player that got by off talent alone. I gained weight and never really trained as hard as I could have, but still was able to be better than 98 percent of the people I played with and against. After college I didn’t want to pursue a professional career in basketball, because I never had the same affection for it anymore, so I played only a couple years overseas. As far as education goes, I graduated with two degrees from my university, but never thought about using my degrees until later in life. I received one degree in Public Relations which was a pointless degree and another in Acting & Film.

Acting, which is the thing I want to do more than anything, has been put off many times for nothing. I’ve had call backs for auditions and movie roles, but never took them serious. I’m sure I have pissed off a few casting directors and agents who had faith in me. Everyone I know in LA wants to be an actor or musician and most of them will sadly never make it. The odds of becoming of a working actor in Hollywood or a Musician have to be one in a billion. I never looked at it as a hard career choice, because it was never a dream of mine to be a movie star, it has always just been a talent of mine since I was nine years old acting in plays. I have always felt I was better in performing arts, than I was in sports and that’s saying a lot. Ever since I was around sixteen, I always said I would move out to California and pursue acting, but the whole time I have been out here in California, it’s been about the partying and bullshit. I let myself get consumed by my lust’s instead of my task to succeed. I don’t regret anything, but I am disappointed, because there is not a single reason on this planet why I am not acting or why I am not a successful person to my liking. Not one reason and it is a shame that I have let my talent and opportunities go to waste for nothing.

So that is why I have chose to, “Get Busy Living” instead of “Get Busy Dying, because I know that my life didn’t stop at bouncing a ball and it didn’t stop at clubs, girls and the pursuit of shallow dollars. I have “Get Busy Living OR Get Busy Dying” tattooed across my chest to remind me every day, to never let myself down again….God Bless

 

Have you ever been in a situation where it was too late to say goodbye? On the other hand, what about looking back on your life with absolute disgust at something you should have done but never did? That is what I am speaking of when I say, Old too soon & Smart too late. I have had opportunities in my life slip away many times because I was either lazy, or just procrastinating about what I wanted in my life. I sat back and said to myself, that those opportunities or people will still be around when I need them and the reality of it was I never was able to get those chances again.

I remember talking to one of my friends a while ago, who mentioned an ex girlfriend that he lost because of his promiscuous lifestyle. He said for many years, he took advantage of the love she had for him because he knew she was not going anywhere. He would go days without seeing her, never giving her the time that she deserved and had other women on the side. He was pure hell to the girl and finally she had enough of his shit. She left him for good and he never spoke or seen her again.

My friend truly has deep regret for his actions and blames all of his personal issues on himself. He said that he thinks of the life he would have had with his ex if he were not so selfish. He spoke of his ex in a heavenly manner. She was someone who would give her last nickel to him if he needed it. She spoiled him rotten and was rewarded with disrespect and heartache time after time. There were never any dates or flowers and those were the little things. He never got her birthday gift’s or Christmas present‘s, but she did all of those things and more. She helped finance a car for him because of his poor credit and was repaid with lies and cheating with no apparent end in sight. He understands that he lost a rare breed of woman and it was his fault. Like I said, old too soon & smart too late.

I am constantly trying to find ways to improve myself on a daily basis and every day I learn something new. With this issue, I understand that I have to seize the moment before it is gone. Maybe it is I simply calling my grandmother to say how much I love her, or perhaps telling a beautiful woman how much I appreciate her conversation and time. Regardless of the scenario, I understand that time flies by faster than a speeding bullet and before you know it, you are forty-five, fat needing to lose weight, or simply too old to chase your dreams. No matter what it is, we all need to appreciate the time we have on earth and seize the opportunities at hand before you are too old & smart too late.