The past is something we should use to pilot our future, not something that should have power over us. When we allow our past to dictate what we do now, we are no longer in control of ourselves.

You will never drive life’s highway without sometimes hitting bumps like regrets and heartache. When you do, it’s easy to get stuck there, gazing back into your rearview mirror at the past like a lost soul. That is the same with relationships and many people tend to let their past dictate their future inevitable missing out on someone great, who didn’t get  a fair chance to prove they weren’t the same guy who treated you like crap.

On the outside, people can appear to be the same sometimes, but that doesn’t mean they are. I have met so many women in my life that have accused me of being like someone they dated, without even letting me have a chance to prove that I was unique in my own way. This did not make me mad or frustrated, it actually turned me off, because here I was, a guy who was genuinely interested in a woman who I wanted to spend time with and she is reminding that I was like a past relationship and it was making it hard for her to really trust me. So I refused to be labeled and I came up with ways for troubled hearts to be mended so they could move on. I wanted to make people understand that pushing a person away is not the answer and it only alienates you from good people who want to see you happy.

For one, holding onto sullenness after someone has hurt you will only continue to hurt you more by poisoning your heart and soul. People need to understand that there is only one antidote to that poison and that is moving on. You have to decide not to allow people who have wronged you to keep controlling your life. You have to remember what people have done to you and never forget, but you must embrace a positive future and think the next person or situation that comes in my life will be positive and not negative. You can’t let the grim past clutch onto your future and stay there like plaque on teeth. You have to cleanse your mind of the unhealthy past and think that what you learned or went through will only make the next relationship or situation better.

Secondly, understanding that it’s healthy to remember your past as long as you’re learning from it and remembering how it can help your future situation for the better. But you must beware of becoming so engrossed with your past that it begins to dictate your present and future. Don’t let your past define you; that’s not healthy for you or the person that you are trying to give your heart to. You have to understand that you’re not a victim of your circumstances and that no one but yourself can tie you to the past; you decide whether or not to move on, not anyone else. Realize that your experiences in life aren’t just for your own benefit – they’re also designed to help other people. You can apply what you’ve learned about moving on to encourage others to do the same. There is nothing better than seeing someone help a person through a tough situation they also went through.

Last but not least, how many times have you heard a person say they don’t want to get involved because they don’t want to get their hurt broken again? While this seems like a reasonable outlook after dealing with such a “controlling, lying, or cheating” partner, it is really just a crutch.

When a person compares everyone in their future with the people of their past who have hurt them, they are voluntarily letting them the control their future as well. They are still attached to them in a way that is even worse than when they were together, because now, it isn’t even a real person who controls them, but a shadow of bad memories. It is up to you as an individual to not let yourself be controlled by your past’s ghost. You must remind yourself that you are not with them for a reason and they didn’t deserve you in the first place. Once you come to embrace that you as a partner deserves to be treated like a king or queen, you will then fully understand that the past is the past and it can’t control the beautiful future that awaits you.

EMBRACE YOUR HAPPINESS

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