Tag Archive: sex

What If


Who would have thought that life’s most cherishing gift would be as hard to solve as Sudoku? The puzzle of love has kept me awake for more nights than a graveyard shift security officer. The lost sleep seems to only fuel the fire of my thoughts, in which I seek for answers to life’s most rewarding feeling. Sometimes it seems like my mind and heart are in two different time zones, which only creates confusion when it comes to understanding that the person I have wanted for so long, may be right in my face and I never even knew it.

The worst thing that a person could say is WHAT IF?  The feeling of wondering what could have been only adds to the misery of lost promise. If you ever were unfortunate enough to be in that situation, then you will understand where I am coming from, because it is like a never ending migraine on your heart. Regardless of the future, in which love may bloom in your heart on a daily basis, the ONE that got away may never escape the prison of your mind. It’s that ONE person that got away, that will haunt the dreams of your heart for eternity like a nightmare on elm street movie. 

So with that understood, I must finally muster enough courage to tell the ONE that she is what makes my world complete. She is the ONE, who possesses the kerosene that lights the fire in my belly and warms my heart. Without her, life would go on as normal, but with her, life would be as magical as meteor shower across a perfectly clear sky. Her smile awakens my soul and her touch matures my spirit. The sight of her causes my vision to blur others out, as her voice constantly interrupts my daily thoughts. She defines a queen and commands my full attention as if she was mightier than Alexander the Great himself.

For so long, I have traveled life’s unforgiving road of heartbreak and disappointment and I finally found the person who was the missing piece of my puzzle. To throw that away would sillier than a Charlie Sheen interview. Things can go from great to worst in a nanosecond and before you know it, that person that could have been the ONE,  has slipped out the back door of your heart and you never saw them leave. There is no time to be afraid of looking weak when it comes to telling the ONE that keeps you and your heart up at night, that you want them in your life. There should never be a muzzle on your heart, so the key is to tell that ONE person before it’s too late and they have left out the back door of your heart and didn’t even close the door.



“For everything I been through in life, I never imagined it would be so hard to choose between the two. One has my mind, while the other has my heart. I never thought it was possible to fall in love with two women at the same time, but I have fallen victim to that scenario“.

Apple, a girl from the east coast has my MIND. She is beautiful, bright, with a large personality that intimidates most men. She is a woman of seasons and her frame of mind changes with the weather. She is one of a kind, and has no problem voicing her opinion with her blunt attitude. If you take her for granted, she will eat you alive and spit you out without a thought of sympathy. Men like me come a dime a dozen to her, so my mind-set and charisma is nothing she hasn’t seen. You have to actually work for Apple’s affection, but once you gain it, she is as devoted to you as a dog is to its owner. She is also an insomniac like me, so we are always up doing stuff. She NEVER sleeps.

Angel, a west coast girl, on the other hand has my HEART. She is a pretty Madonna that loves to be catered to and is very materialistic. If you not about your business, you don’t stand a chance in hell to keep her attention. She is so fast paced and will just move on to the next Joe Schmoe while you sit there in sorrowfulness. She lives for the good weather, the beach and the celebrity lifestyle. She is one of those women, who care about what you do for a living, and what kind of car you drive. Angel can be very cold-blooded. She is so Hollywood.

Angel’s persona is so unlike Apple’s, yet both of them have a swagger about them that draws me towards them both.See the dilemma is that I have a long history with Angel and I couldn’t let her go even if I tried. I have fully invested the last couple of years of my life to Angel and to just walk away from her would be foolish. Angel accepted me with open arms when I came into her life with a pocket full of dreams. She supported my goals in acting right from the get go. She usually went for men who had their stuff together, but saw huge potential in me, so she took a gamble. For that reason alone, she has my heart, because she accepted me unconditionally when she could have blew me off from the start.

Apple on the other hand, has been one of those women that I have always said was my type. We clicked the first time we laid eyes on each other and ever since then, she has captivated my mind in ways only a person in love can understand. She suits me well in every way. She is very ethnic and her parents are immigrants, so she understands her ancestor’s history and pride very well, plus she has faced tremendous personal tragedy. She supports my passions, but loves the fact that I have a gift for writing. I used to question myself everyday when it came to developing a relationship with her, but like I said before, she has a reputation that is cold, grimy and blunt which I know is over-exaggerated.

Angel and Apple both know what it’s like to go from nothing to something. They know plenty of people that can give me positive recommendations about business. The rich and beautiful just flock to them and that is something that is both intimidating and encouraging. There is never a dull moment in their lives and they are constantly stepping up their game to impress all of those around them, including me.If there were ever a harder choice to make in life, I would like to know what it is. I can’t go wrong with either choice, but my mind is telling me one thing and my heart is telling me another. I must go and visit them both, to weigh the pros and cons before I choose who I spend the rest of my life with. It saddens me that I have to choose between the two so quickly, but if I don’t soon, I will lose them both. I hope that both of them, Apple and Angel, understand that I am doing this for the benefit of them and me. I hope that I can mend both my mind and heart into one decision and choose wisely.The worst thing in life is, WHAT IF and I don’t want to look back on life questioning my decision after I decide. Hopefully I will make the right choice. 




Alexander The Moor

Alexander the Moor

By Will Harris

Gifted with a rare ability to play the flute, Alexander, a Moor from Morocco became the finest musician the world had ever known up until his early death at the age of eighteen. It has been told that he was related to the beautiful Cleopatra VII. Rumor was that she had a long-lost sister that was cast out of Egypt for sleeping with her lover and was never heard from again. Alexander, an only child, was raised in morocco by his mother until he and his mother were sold off as slaves to people in the Roman Empire. Shortly after the move to Rome, his mother, who was as beautiful as her rumored sister committed suicide by stabbing herself when three roman soldiers attempted to rape her while she was retrieving water from a pond. At fourteen Alexander suddenly became an orphan.

The only memory of his mother, was a red flute that his mother made and gave to him when he was little boy. After her death, he promised to become the best flutist in the world and vowed to keep his mother’s memory alive through his music. Over the next couple years, he became exceptionally talented with his skills and earned superior respect amongst the people in the slave quarters of Rome being called the finest flutist they ever heard.

He was dubbed Alexander the moor after several roman guards heard him playing the flute while patrolling the slave quarters. The guards then went to tell of his magnificent talent to a general, who was a flutist himself. He was then summoned into the royal quarters as a guest. He was the first slave ever to be presented with such an honor. He spent the next few months teaching and entertaining royalty with his gifted ability.

At the age of seventeen while serving as a slave/teacher in the Roman Empire, Alexander was allowed to live inside royal quarters and receive special treatment for his abilities by Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus himself. The only request from the emperor was to never get involved romantically with anyone of royal decent. He agreed and began to live a life of royalty and was treated as equal by members of the upper class in Rome. He was allowed to teach in the slave quarters and return whenever he wanted. He served as honorary host to all weddings around the empire. He was truly living a life that was supposed to be his from the beginning, with him being related to Cleopatra. He was tall, well-built, charming and beautiful in every way and women in the royal quarters down to the slave quarters adored him for his talents and beauty.

On his eighteenth birthday, Caesar threw Alexander a birthday party and announced that he was to be treated as if he was his own son. When he was asked to speak on the honor that Augustus bestowed on him, he got teary eyed and said that all he cared for was to keep his mother’s memory alive with his music. He said that anyone who learns from him will keep his mother’s legacy alive long after he is gone. The crowd was in awe of such humble grace, a man who just a year earlier was a slave living in the worst quarters of Rome.

One day while teaching a group of kids, Alexander was requested to Augustus living quarters for a special message. Augustus told him that a royal family would be coming to the empire to stay for a while and they heard of his talents and wanted him to teach the princess. Augustus told him it was an honor to have such a request being so young and he suggested that he drop everything and do it. Alexander agreed and prepared himself for the chance to meet another royal family.

When the royal family arrived, he was summoned to their living quarters and he met Italiya, a beautiful seventeen year old princess, who was to be married soon to a thirty-four year old prince named Bractus. From the moment their eyes connected, Alexander and Italiya were in love. Whenever he looked at her, he saw a striking resemblance of his beautiful mother that he loved so dearly. Italiya, who was very superstitious, told him that he reminded her of a boy she sees in her dreams, a slave who is loved by all. Not knowing that he was really a slave, Alexander didn’t reveal his true identity out of fear of backlash from Augustus. He had been warned not to frolic with royalty and he had been obedient up until now, but his heart just knew what it wanted and he couldn’t control himself.

Over the course of the next few weeks, they shared romantic music lessons, walks around the empire and picnics near beautiful lakes. Alexander finally even showed her the slave quarters where he taught and lived just a year ago. They were uncontrollably in love and couldn’t resist each other. They were both young and foolish and love blinded them from the reality of what could happen if they ever were caught. She eventually snuck into his sleeping quarters late at night and they made love dozens of times.

One night while attempting to sneak away from her soon to be husband Bractus, Italiya woke up her fiancé when she was leaving to go see Alexander. He asked where she was going and she said for a walk. He didn’t think anything of it until hours passed without her returning and he worried of her whereabouts. Bractus then summoned his guards to go look for her and he awoke Augustus fearing she had been kidnapped. Out of respect for his guest, Augustus orders everyone in the royal quarters to wake. When no sight of Italiya and Alexander was revealed, the prince feared the worst and became enraged.

Not knowing that there was manhunt for their whereabouts, Alexander and Italiya had scurried off and made love near a river under a pale moonlight on the outskirts of Rome and fallen asleep naked by accident. They were soon discovered by Augustus guards and forced to returned to the royal quarters and confess. Once they confessed, Augustus had no choice but to punish Alexander by whatever request the prince demanded. Bractus out of jealous rage ordered his hands be cut off so he would never play his precious flute again or touch another man’s wife. Augustus had no choice but to oblige and sadly cut off the greatest musician to ever live hands. So enraged of the deceitful ways of his fiancé, the prince cut out the eyes of Italiya, so that she would never look at another man. Knowing that it was his fault that Italiya would never see again and knowing that he would never play music again, he felt there was no reason to live and ended his life the same way his precious mother did. He somehow stabbed himself in the stomach and bled to death.

The news spread around the empire quickly that Alexander died and it was one of the saddest days in Rome’s history. Alexander the moor, loved by all and respected by the great emperor Augustus himself was dead at the age of eighteen, because he loved someone who loved him back. Augustus himself cried for weeks after the ordeal and ordered the city of Rome to celebrate his life in a week-long festival. It was a sad and fitting end to a boy who died so beautiful, so young, so talented and so soon.

“I’m not saying I am going to rule the world, but if I keep talking about how dirty it is, somebody going to clean it up” Tupac Shakur

In a society where the public image of us is negative and violent, it is up to us to change that. In a country where they have brainwashed our youth into thinking that being an athlete or entertainer is the only cool careers out, it is up to us to change that. The statistics don’t lie and we are to blame for our own demise, but that doesn‘t mean we have to follow suit. We live in a world of the jealous, greedy, deceitful and hateful, but that shouldn’t compromise our mission to create a generation of prideful black men like the ones who got tired of injustices in America and created the civil rights movement. Young men who honor their duty to serve the community with pride, love and patience. When children see us black brothers, they see their future and what they are seeing now is not what our ancestors wanted. They see a generation of disrespectful men who don’t value family, love, relationships or themselves. We treat women as if they were unlovable pets, we value money more than education and we disrespect ourselves by abusing our bodies with alcohol, drugs and sex. Is that setting an example? No it’s not.

The statistics show that black men are nearly seven times more likely to be incarcerated, with average jail sentences about 10 months longer than white men. We all know there is a double standard in the judicial system, we also know that we could argue that fatherlessness, a pervasive negative entertainment culture, racism, and multi-generational poverty in family structures in the black communities has a serious impact, but that doesn’t make a excuse for you to go rob your neighbor or beat up your girlfriend to get sent there. The white man or any other man is not to blame for you not going to college or selling drugs on the corner, you are to blame only yourself.

They say that black males between the ages of 15-34 are nearly eight times as likely to suffer from AIDS as their white counterparts. Once again, these numbers are not exaggerated for the hatred of the black man, sex it is clearly represented in our society and we took the bait and ran with it. Look at our movies, listen to our songs and you will understand that we have been creating an atomic bomb in our own communities that is corrupting our young at an astounding rate. Back in the day, the black man was looked at as a protector, provider and loyal husband. Now the stereotypes paint us as being either an exception with athletic gifts, great vocals skill, stupid with humor or having big penises (which isn’t the case for everyone, no matter your ethnicity).

We live in a time where black males ages 15-19 die from homicide at 46 times the rate of white males. Who do we blame for taking a gun and going to kill our neighbor? Oh yeah that is right, blame white people. NO, blame yourself for the ignorance that caused you to kill another person over a block war or a girlfriend that was lying to you both. We have to start using our minds before we wipe ourselves out of positive discussions about great leaders in the world today.

It kills me when I see so many young men talk about women, cars, money, jewelry and other crap in such a shallow manner. I am not being a hypocrite, I have been just as ignorant in my ways at times, but I have realized much sooner than I expected, that I was being what society wanted me to be and I had to change my thinking. My thought process use to blame a woman for me not trusting women in general, rather than looking into the mirror and seeing what I was valuing in a person was shallow ways instilled in me. I never wanted a Mercedes or BMW for myself, I wanted it for attention. Attention that would get me laid or at least a chance to get laid. Clothes and jewelry were bought for the simple pleasure of showing off and staying fresh for the ladies. If I would have just been smart enough to want them things for myself, I would have gotten them a lot quicker and the women would have appreciated me anyways. I thought that way for a long time and now I realize the ignorance I once had and I still see it in so many young black men and young men in general. Ignorance is not racist; it travels along touching everyone no matter your skin color.

Black male achievement begins to decline as early as the fourth grade and by high school; black males are more likely to drop out. In 2001, only 42.8 percent graduated from high school, compared to 70.8 percent for their white counterparts. Now we can say that parents are to blame because of this but I disagree. The slogan: “It takes a village to raise a child” needs to be reinforced. We sit around and see young kids talk about school in such a negative manner in today’s world and I think it is sad that we are not speaking to our little black brothers about the importance of college let alone high school. We need to look at these kids and curse at them in a manner of concern and love for not going to school or even finishing. If we can push, punch or fight a brother for looking at us wrong in the streets, why can’t we grab a brother aside and talk to him about educating himself for his own future and the benefit of the generation after him? I can remember times when I couldn’t even go to my mother or a family member about homework that I needed help on, because they were not educated to do so. That trend has to stop.So that is my point, the more we feed into this negative society that pegs us only athletes, entertainers, felons, gang members, lazy people, sex craved individuals and ignorant men, the more our generations will decay. It is up to me and other young black men to wake up and create a future for our little black brothers that tell them being a basketball or football player is fine, but also receiving an academic scholarship is just as cool. We need doctors, teachers, police officers, honest preachers, loyal husband and fathers and respectful men we can be proud of in our communities to show our little black brothers that you can be anything you want to be and not just another statistic.God Bless