Standing there looking at you makes me wonder where did all those years go. It’s been a very long time since I showed any appreciation towards another, but the reality that I’m going to be stuck with you for a lifetime isn’t a burden at all. I am astonished at the way life has moved me along at a sonic like pace, allowing only a few episodes to catch my breath. For what its worth, I have taken numerous Manny Pacquiao like upper cuts and jabs from life and never once had a thought of retreating. I just swallowed the misery and pain that life can show you and digested it with confidence. The fact that life has tried to schoolyard bully me and failed miserably, is the key component in why I look at the future with a cocky grin. It is easy to smile when you have fresh batteries in the back of life, but as soon as the batteries start to not hold a charge, people tend to give up at the first sign of trouble.

From the moment I met you, that was never my concern. You showed me that you would not leave my side no matter what outcome life handed us and that simple fact alone, allowed me to bravely face any goliath like task that life could put in my way. I have been known to juggle my future better than most circus clowns at times, but sometimes I end up feeling lonelier than a man, who gambled his life away in Vegas at  four am in a casino. I have always carried around my future in one basket not being afraid of losing everything, thats foolish pride. With the hope of winning everything, I have taken chances only a man with fixed dice would have taken. The plethora of failures have not discouraged me from appreciating the few successes I’ve been blessed to have. The hope of tomorrow moves me along like a “smooth” current flowing in the Mississippi and confidence remains as cool as a polar bear’s toe nails.

The first time I actually noticed you, I saw deeply embedded in your soul was a love that was protected by a thick vine to keep intruders out of your heart. I studied your every move and ended up convincing you that fear was like a boogeyman and we all know he doesn’t exist. The more I stroked your ego, the more you began to open up, not just to me, but to people who you once avoided.  You began to enforce your inner will and rejected any interruption that would jeopardize my future. For that, I am humbled by your presence and understand that you came into my life at the right. You saw that I began to become weak in my thinking and you began to work my mind harder than an old slave in old cotton fields. The times when i began to move like a sloth, you gave me a look only a mother could give to her child. You continuously reminded me of the Grandmother, who sacrificed her older years to raise me when she should have been retired and relaxing amongst her peers. You reminded me of the young woman, who decided to keep her pregnancy a secret in order to avoid possible abortion that wouldn’t have let me write this piece. Those reminders give me the energy to push through the tunnel of shit and wasted time like Andy Dufran did in Shawshank Redemption. These are just a few of the things you do to keep me balanced and happy even when life doesn’t seem so. I am honored that you are in my life and the only thing “I wonder”  is what took you so long?

Thank you, conscious

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